In honor of yesterday's anniversary reflections today's quotes are all about the guy I'm thankful to have spent the last 5 years married to. I am thankful that he shows me what love looks like with his actions just as much as, if not more than, his words. And I am thankful that he knows me inside and out and that he knew that I could never be a steady, stationary thing. I am beyond grateful that he never tried to "clip my wings" and instead watches me as a fly, standing solid and steady. The ever present homing signal I need to always know the way back home.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
The Strangers in Our Portrait
It's the story of high school sweethearts. They meet, they manage to survive 5 years of dating and then somehow it's 10 years from when it all started and they have now been married for 5 years. 5 years and 11 days. It's the story of a girl who fell in love her Senior year of high school, but it's also the story of a girl who sees strangers in her portraits. There is so much "they" don't tell you about marrying a guy you meet in high school (or maybe even just marriage in general). People "awww" you and they smile. And it is cute, sometimes. But then you realize the reality of it. You realize that in reality you are not only married to a stranger, you are a stranger to yourself.
I look up at our mantle. At the portrait taken during our engagement shoot. A portrait taken when I was 22 and he was 25. It's a portrait of people who have no idea who we are. They no nothing of the 5 years that will reshape everything they are. They no nothing about the people that will stare at them 5 years from that moment and think, "oh, if only you knew."
When I think about the people we were in that portrait I have to laugh a little. I think about how bright-eyed they were. I think about how willingly they were jumping into a life they thought would be tied up in a pretty bow. Part of me envies them; I am happy for their youthful ignorance. The other part of me is thankful; thankful for the tough seasons of life that have changed who they are. Even if it made us strangers. Maybe even because it did.
They girl in the portrait? She was so sure of herself, sure that she knew what she wanted out of life. Sure that being a wife wasn't going to be much different than being a girlfriend, sure that it was just a means to getting to become a mom someday soon. The stranger she has now become is less sure of what the future will look like. The girl in the portrait would be shocked to know that the stranger staring at her is ok with that. This stranger is glad to not have rushed into motherhood. She has learned that being a wife is just as important. She is thankful for years that have taught her that her husband should be a priority (even if she still often forgets). She is thankful for years that have taught her what being an adult looks like (even if she often still feels ill-prepared for it all). The stranger she has now become has a different picture in her mind of what her family will look like; maybe some children will be biological, maybe some will be adopted, maybe some will come into her life for only a season. And while the uncertainty of it all is sometimes frightening she is open to the way God will paint it for her, not the way the girl in the picture would have painted it for herself.
The boy in the portrait? He is steady and stable. He is sure about the girl in his arms, but he is unsure about her eagerness to rush so quickly from one stage of life to the next. He is the voice that says slow down, take some time to just be us. He is still that; still the steady voice she hears. But he has grown more sure of himself, more sure of the what it means to rest in the grace of what God is doing. He laughs more at the woman he is now married to and knows more about what it means to be married to a dreamer. He is more solid in the way he moves around her, how he lets her dream while still keeping her grounded.
The girl in the portrait never would have thought that her late twenties would be so vastly different than her early ones. She never would have imagined of how much life could fit into the span of 5 years (or even two). And she would never have believed the amount of wrinkles that skin can acquire so quickly (it's true what they say girls, start preventing early). The stranger she has now become loves the girl in the portrait. She loves her, but she is also learning to say goodbye to her. Just like she is sure that the stranger she will be 5 years from now will be learning to say goodbye to who she is today.
And she is excited; she is excited about learning to love that new stranger too. She is excited about the many strangers she will get to meet over the course of her marriage; the stranger she shares a bed with each night and the one she sees when she looks in the mirror each morning.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Words for Wednesday: Surrender
So back at the beginning of this year, I chose surrender as my word for 2015. I have never done the whole 'one word for a year' thing and I haven't been pouring as much into it as I would have liked too. But it is ever present; it's there in words my ears pick up without meaning to, words like 'let go', it's there in the devotions that somehow seem to keep coming up and it's in the things I find myself pinning before I fall asleep at night. So today's Words for Wednesday post is for the small part of me that is learning what surrender really looks like.
I think this one is the one that spoke the most to me. I have always been a firm believer in "our past is always with us", that it is part of who we are. And while I do still believe that, I think this surrender journey has left me feeling slightly different. The person I was, even two years ago, isn't the person I am today and while there are parts of her that I miss, there are also parts of her that I need to let go and move on from. I need to surrender the things that are remaining so that I can be the best version of the person that I am today. And while all those bits and pieces have helped reshape my soul into what it looks like now, I no longer need to carry the extra weight of them with me. And I am learning to realize that that is ok.
Friday, May 8, 2015
Oh Hey Friday! Read-A-Thon
So I realized, upon putting together my list of books for this post, that my current reading log looks like the who's who of scatter-brained anonymous. It goes from cookbooks to young adult fantasy, add a little light summer read, throw in a tough-stuff fiction novel and tie it all together with a get your hands dirty "life de-clutter" to grow closer to God. But then I figured it was fitting, because that is typically how my taste in life goes. Mix-it all up in one big messy pot that somehow winds up tasting great and call it a day! So if you are even slightly like me, then maybe you will enjoy this list as much as I did!
This weeks 5: Read-a-thon Edition!
1.) Salivating Over: Twenty Dinners
I have been trying to get back into the swing of cooking. I love cooking! I love trying and creating new recipes. But in the hectic jumble of life, cooking got pushed to the back burner (pun intended). Two nights a week are spent at work, one night usually spent at bible study, weekend nights are always somewhere else (or spent with a movie and popcorn) and Monday night got dubbed as taco night. That often leaves one night a week open and by that point I just say "to heck with this" and we pick something up. So when I saw a bunch of cookbooks available for review I couldn't pass it up (I didn't even glance at the fiction selection). I must admit first off that I am not usually much of a cookbook person. One, because I feel like most cookbooks never want to include pictures (I HAVE to have the pictures) and two, because my old recipe repertoire consisted on meals I grew up on and tweaked to make my own. However, since the last time I really cooked (ie probably 2 years ago) I have become somewhat of a foodie, so I have been wanting to expand my culinary knowledge. Twenty Dinners was the book that really caught my eye and it has not disappointed. Twenty Dinners is a gloriously, scrumptious feast for the senses. From the first picture I was hooked. The more I read, the more I saw, the more my mouth watered! I am itching to try every single meal. The book works like this: twenty dinners, divided seasonly, 5 meals per season, each with meal components (main dish, sides, desserts, even drinks) partnered wonderfully together in a fabulous feast. While I did break out and try one dessert without its counterparts I can't wait to have some friends over (or plan us a date night al fresco style) and make each portion of the meal all at once. If you are a lover of all things food, you should definitely look into this one. It also makes the perfect coffee table book. One thing we did try? Grilled peaches!! Simply delicious; "just slice, top with olive oil, salt and pepper to taste and grill until charred" (we also topped ours with a touch of honey).
*I received this book to review, but these are all my own thoughts and opinions.
2.) Currently: Dangerous Creatures
Not too long ago I read through the Beautiful Creatures series and really enjoyed it! I would compare it to Twilight (young teen angst) with a more magical flare (and less whining). It centers around a teen boy in a small town, who falls in love with a Caster (witch basically) who is about to be claimed for either the Dark of the Light. If you are a young adult series reader at all I think this series is a great one to add to your list. Dangerous Creatures is the counterpart to Beautiful Creatures (4 books) and centers around some of the smaller players in the original series, a Caster turned Siren and her half-mortal, half-Incubus boyfriend. This one is not a series and is just a final book to round out their story that wasn't really finished at the end of the original series. I think it is a great addition. I am loving it, even with the beginning being somewhat hard to follow. It's a great book for a summer read!
3.) Recently Devoured: First Frost!
I love Sarah Addison Allen books and her newest book, First Frost, did not disappoint. You can read more about my thoughts on it in last weeks Words for Wednesday post. Perfect read for someone who enjoys a little dash of magic, a small town setting, family bonding and a splash of romance all blended together.
4.) On My List: A Life Intercepted
I can NOT wait to read this! I love Charles Martin. His writing is so raw and open and gritty. His last book, Unwritten, is one of my top favorites. I would be willing to bet that half my quote books are filled with quotes from his books. Where The River Ends? I can't even begin. Just read it! I'm surw this newest one won't disappoint!
5.) Attempting: Seven
So I have been attempting for the last month or so to really start walking through Seven by Jen Hatmaker. What started out as a Lenten challenge to get rid of 40 things a day for 40 days (still trying to accomplish this one) turned into a challenge to try to complete Seven. Jen Hatmaker writes about trying to simplify her (and her young families) life over a period of seven months as a way to see just how much we live with that we take for granted, how much excess some of us have in our lives. Each month is a different category with a different challenge to simplify. For example, one month is possessions. That is the "getting rid of things" month. Hers is different than mine and is instead 7 more tangible things a day for the whole month. My 40-in-40 could consist of small, intangible things like trash (receipts, Starbucks cups) that had piled up as well as tangible items. Considering the fact that I am still fighting my way through that, I have yet to really dive into the whole Seven world feet first. While I do plan to do my own variations of it (like instead of being able to wear only 7 pre-picked items of clothing for an entire month- yes you read that correctly- I would pick 7 waist-up-items and then 7 waist-down items and mix and match them) I really want to get going. I love the way she writes; with such humor, grace and real-life, and I really want to challenge myself to this task, because well, I am not super simple people! The hardest month will probably be media; no social media?! No tv?! Though I must admit I am quite proud of this household, we got rid of cable today!!!! That is a big feat! I love my shows, but it was time to find other ways to spend time together! Well that and there's still Netflix... See? This ain't gunna be easy folks! *Stay tuned!
*Interrupting your current broadcasting: If you noticed that the majority of these books are from the public library, kudos! A friend saw one sitting on the table and said, "Is this from the library? Who in the world still goes to the library?!" Hand raise, right here! I am a firm believer in the public library system! I believe that everyone should have access to a good book. I don't do the Nook or Kindle. In an age of the next big gadget, I have sworn away books on computer. Put a book in my hand, let me smell it, let me turn it's pages. Let the ones I love so much, the ones that I will buy and read over and over and over, get so dog-earred and "quote corner" marked (slight turn down of the tippy top corner) that they look like they have been in a fight, always hold a place on my "best loved books" shelf. Let the smell of walking into a library never go away! Let there always be a place that one can browse for hours on end, filling a book basket to the brim and then leave with books to fill their heart with, all without having to pay a dime! Unless of course you are like me and forget to renew/ return on time (I just consider it my donation to the library system)! And this public service announcement has ended, we now return to regular scheduled programming!
And that is my Oh Hey Friday Read-a-thon! Thanks for joining!!
Any good books you have been loving lately? Any you are hoping to read soon?
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Words for Wednesday: New Quote Find
I recently stumbled upon a new writer and I love so many of her quotes. Today's Words for Wednesday is courtesy of Victoria Erickson.
Friday, May 1, 2015
5 on Friday
1.) Garden Update!
2.) Accomplishments!
Ok, this really shouldn't be considered much of an accomplishment, but it makes me happy! I have made it to season 9 in my "watch all the FRIENDS marathon" and I can't lie, I did a little cheer to have made it so far. While I am sad it will soon be over it has been great starting with episode 1 and making it all the way to
3.) Starbucks Happiness!
So I had a friend post an Instagram of the new Matcha craze drink that has started recently. Points to know... 1.) It is mostly really work-outie people who have been posting 2.) I am NOT one of those people (though I could stand to be a little more in between where I am and where they are, winded after two flights of stairs ain't so great) 3.) It is apparently a super food that is a huge metabolism booster, very high in antioxidants, boosts your immune system, reduces stress and many other benefits. 4.) It is YUMMY! and 5.) It is super CHEAP!!!
That was the main reason I tried it. I am all for a deal, as long as it's a good one! So when I heard I could get anything Venti at Starbucks for under $1.50 I knew I just had to give it a shot. While I doubt it will replace my coffee white chocolate mocha, I will definitely drink it again. Especially on days I want to pretend I am a healthy person!
Recipe:
Venti ice water
3 scoops matcha powder
2 pumps sugar-free vanilla
Price: $1.37
4.) Date Night!
So I went on a really great date night this week and it wasn't with my husband! It was with myself! One of my bucket list items has been to take myself out to a sit down dinner alone. So after a hair appointment on Tuesday (and the thought of white sauce calling my name) I decided to check it off in style (even if I was in a tshirt and tennis shoes)... so I went to Kobe's!! I will admit that the getting out of the car and actually walking in part took a little bit of self-convincing. Once I was there though, it was so nice. I took my book in and read a bit, but then spent some time talking with the other groups at the table and then the rest of the time indulging in the glorious heaping of noodles and rice! The nicest thing though was just time to sit and reflect on how the year has been so far and have some time to think about where it could go. I really recommend dating yourself!!
5.) And I think we are going to call it quits here, because I really started the 5 on Friday on Monday! So here's to a wonderful weekend! Hope you all have a glorious one :)
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Words for Wednesday: What I'm Reading
Today's Words for Wednesday post is from the book I am currently reading LOVING! I devoured it! Sarah Addison Allen is a beautiful storyteller. I have loved all of her books with their small town feel filled with bits of magic. They are always just a perfect dose of sweetness for my soul and First Frost was not different. I would highly recommend it. Here's a peek at some of my favorite quotes and maybe you will see why.
*If you do choose to read First Frost though, start with Garden Spells. It is one of her earlier books and features the same characters.
"A woman's ability to surprise herself is far stronger than her ability to surprise others."
"Somehow, it's the real stories that are the hardest to tell."
"...a prison sometimes isn't a prison at all. Sometimes it's simply a door you assume is locked because you've never tried to open it."
"Happiness isn't a point in time you leave behind. It's whats ahead of you. Every single day."
Monday, April 27, 2015
Happy Monday Shopping! Because Adoption Rocks: Guest Post
Happy Monday!! This weekend got a tad crazy and what was supposed to be a 5 on Friday post only got partially finished and so it has now become a 5 on Monday post, because sometimes that's how it has to roll. While I would have just saved it for next Friday (like typically happens) I really wanted you to see this post because of #1, so I am actually going to share just that... because very soon you might be one very lucky recipient of an awesome new wardrobe and because ADOPTION!
1.) Shop and Support, because cute clothes rock but adoption rocks more!!
1.) Shop and Support, because cute clothes rock but adoption rocks more!!
The following is a guest post from the mom of this sweet family.
Every morning, I stumble out of bed, grab my Coke-bottle glasses, and shuffle my way across the hardwood floors into the kitchen. Our four-year-old waits patiently for his oatmeal, and his hand always seems to find mine as I make breakfast in the early morning hours. I pour myself coffee as our two-year-old, his bedhead just as wild as his little heart, comes hustlin’ out of his room.
Motherhood, you guys. It’s chaotic and sleep-deprived and sweet and 100 kinds of awesome.
I became a mom in a fashion that only God could create. I was a young, twenty-something newlywed learning more about the world, and more about its creator, every day. We were stumbly and we weren’t perfect, but we couldn’t help but sense that God was leading us both down a path to parenthood that, in the world’s eyes, was a bit unconventional.
My husband and I both started to feel the tug on our hearts for children who didn’t have families. We both grew up in safe and loving two-parent homes, and we couldn’t shake the idea of little ones not growing up without the structure and nurture a family provides. We knew we couldn’t do everything, but we could be open to doing something. We prayed, and asked God to lead.
One billion “only-God” stories later, and we were getting off a plane, welcoming our incredible one-year-old son into our arms, forever. Joseph joined our family via adoption from West Africa (you can learn much more about that here), and our lives have been so radically blessed by his presence. We grieve for what he lost with his fist family, but we praise God that he writes beautiful stories from brokenness.
Fast forward two years, and we welcomed a second son into our lives, this time the old-fashioned way. Asher fits into our family perfectly, and it’s a joy to see my sons grow and learn and play and explore life together.
And now, our hearts are open to more. And we continue to believe that God will form our family once again through adoption. There are children here and abroad waiting for safe and loving homes, and it’s at the core of our heart that we might have the privilege of being a family for another little one (or ones). Due to logistics, this time our process will happen in the U.S. instead of abroad. We’re not quite sure what this adoption will look like, though we know we want to be a family for a waiting child.
Over oatmeal and apple juice in sippie cups, we talk about adding a new brother or sister to the mix. “I know, Mommy!” Joseph says, scooping in another mouthful of breakfast. “We’re going to have two sisters! And name them Mommy and Daddy!”
--
So, there’s a tiny glimpse into the big story God is writing. It’s a humbling, profound privilege to parent a child or children not born to me, and it’s not something I take lightly.
As we walk into the unknown and trust God that he will form our family in the ways only He can, we go through all of the paperwork and processes to ensure everything is done correctly and ethically.
We have just completed our home study, the giant 500-billion-page document written by a social worker who has poured over every detail of our lives to ensure that we are approved to be an adoptive family.
Adoption, as I’m sure you’ve probably heard, can be costly. Social workers, attorneys, agencies -- each are compensated to ensure things are handled the right way. We’re a young family that has been saving for a second adoption since we completed our first. Every Christmas gift, every extra bit, has gone into a special account for “someday.” And someday is here!
My husband is a pastor who took on an extra job as a high school speech coach this year, and I’m a freelance writer/editor who has taken on extra projects to make this adoption a reality. We are also trying to think of creative ways to tackle the fees.
Here’s where the fun part comes in: We’re hosting a GIANT shop-our-closets sale this coming Monday, April 27 at 7 p.m.
● I gathered more than 10 of my most stylish friends of all shapes and sizes, and together, we cleaned out our closets.
● We have around 200 gently-worn items in quality brands (think J. Crew, Banana Republic, Gap, Free People, Anthropologie, Sevenly). Basically, my basement looks like an amazing women’s boutique right now. You’re going to want this stuff!
● We’re selling it ALL (think 25+ dresses, 75+ tops, skirts, ethically-made jewelry, scarves, heels) in aHUGE Instagram auction-style fundraiser to combat adoption fees.
● Each item will have a fairly low starting bid price, though we hope you have fun and bid generously! The sale will go on for 24 hours.
These shop-my-closet sales have become so popular on Instagram, and I love them! (I love scoring thrifted treasures -- you can have on-point style on a budget!)
Think of this sale as us doing the dirty work for you -- all you have to do is sit back and bid away -- knowing that 100 percent of all money is going directly to our adoption account.
From Me,
The sale will be starting so very soon! I am excited to shop and am excited for what I am shopping for! While I not sure what our family will look like in the coming years as we grow from a family of 2, but I do know that I have a large tug on my own heart for adopting, fostering or a combination of both. I think families grow in all kinds of beautiful ways and I am excited to follow along on this sweet families journey! Now enjoy a little sneak peek of some of the awesome items that will be up for bid!
Happy Shopping Friends!!
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Carnival Breeze Ports of Call and Excursion Options
Carnival Breeze Western Caribbean itinerary has some great ports of call!

So the glorious Florida sunshine has me missing the open seas! I had been meaning to "unpack" more of our last Carnival trip a long time ago and just have not gotten around to it. But my longing to be on a boat right now has me ready to reminisce. We went on the Carnival Breeze in November and loved pretty much every minute of it. However, we would have loved even more minutes had we been more aware of what could be found at each port prior to our trip. I had done plenty of research before we left and I thought I had a pretty clear picture of what would be best, but some of the details weren't super clear. So I thought I would share a little bit of what we discovered for any of those planning a similar trip! Here are the Carnival Breeze ports of call excursion options.
Carnival Breeze Ports of Call
1.) Miami
We didn't really think this one through, we were pretty cruise ship destination oriented and being from Florida our plan was simply to get on the boat. However, as we were leaving the ship on the way home we realized we probably should have given ourselves an extra day to explore places around Miami. Even though we are both born and raised Floridians we have never done a trip to the Everglades. That will be added to the next trip FOR SURE! I want to wade with the gators!!2.) Grand Turk
This is undoubtedly our favorite island, not only of this cruise, but of any cruise we have been on. Grand Turk is 7 miles total. You are in port for 7 hours. That is a whole hour to explore each mile and we did pretty much just that! I knew going into it that I wanted to explore the lighthouse. While you don't actually go up into the lighthouse the grounds are beautiful and I heard that not a lot of people head out that far; the lighthouse is pretty much at the exact opposite point from the cruise port and based on what they tell you there is "no beach". However, I had read differently while researching, so we decided to head out on our own. One, because we like it that way anyways and prefer to spend our days in port just the two of us, without tons of other people who book the same excursion. Two, because the ship excursions don't really allow you to go at your own schedule/ pace. And three, because they charge way more than it will cost if you choose to explore on your own.So upon exiting the ship we found and rented a scooter and started our trek out to the lighthouse. I will admit I was nervous being on a scooter, but Babe was a great driver and we arrived safely at the lighthouse (no admission fee). It was amazing!! There are two trails leading towards the water from the back of the lighthouse. If you take the one to the right you can explore an old armory that is now falling to ruins, as well as the coast line from the top of the cliff. However, if you explore the trail to the left it will take you down the cliff (not super steep, but rocky towards the bottom. I would recommend water shoes if you have them; we didn't) to a pristine white sand beach. There was no one else there but us and the rocks from the cliff had formed this perfect little pool so that the water was calm and swimmable. It was glorious!!
*If you are looking for a more relaxed, less adventuorus day, the beach where the shipwreck was located is walking distance (probably .5 miles) away from the cruise port. They have lounge chairs, crystal clear water, snorkel rentals and a huge ship to explore.
3.) La Romana
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Photo from: Carnival |
4.) Curacao
*You can also book car rentals ahead of time, either through Avis or through the Budget Car rental at the casino in Curacao. By the time we got to the Budget place all the cars were gone and they would have had to be returned at 4:30, it was already 3:15.
5.) Aruba
Tips for Aruba and Arikok National Park
*If you are afraid of bats the caves may not be your thing. I was fascinated by the bats, but they do fly freely and while there were not a whole lot, because it wasn't night, there were quite a few that flew right past us.*You can take any vehicle into the park, however, you can not take cars directly to the pools. You can park some distance away and will be walking (a pretty fair distance) over rocky, steep terrain. Even from the top of the natural pool (where you will park the atv) you must be able to walk down stone steps. You should be pretty physically able to reach the pool.
*If you choose to swim in the natural pool, you should be a strong swimmer or else stay furthest from the rock wall that seperates the pool from open ocean. Every so option the waves will hit and come over the rocks and you will get swept up in the wave. You won't get pulled out of the pool, but will definitely get tossed around a bit.
*This would be one cruise excursion I would be willing to look into booking through the ship. They rode in these open-air, off-road, jeep-like vehicles and mostly kept pace with the rate we were going. They had maybe 15 less minutes at the pools and I am not sure if they explored the second cave, but otherwise the cushy seats and guide might be worth the extra money. Though if you are prone to car sickness (I can be) I may think twice, the drivers were spinning donuts and driving crazy! It looked like a lot of fun, but it also might have been a cause for Dramamine.
Overall I think this was one of our favorite cruises, between the ship itself and the ports of call. I would highly recommend it if you are a cruise lover like we are!
Disclaimer: Choosing to do your excursions on your own can pay-off (see below), however, we know that we take the risk of something happening and not having the insurance provided by booking through the cruise. If you book your excursion through the cruise and something happens while on the tour (bus breakdown, accident, etc.) you are insured through the cruise and are guaranteed to make it back to the ship. If something happens and your tour gets stuck or you are late getting back to the ship they will make sure the ship doesn't leave you. However, if you book your excursion on your own time the boat will not wait for you if something happens. Ultimately, if you book your own excursion and something happens you are on your own. And if you miss the call time to be be back on ship, well, you're just SOL. We always make sure we are back near the ship an hour before call time, just in case we run longer than planned (hit traffic, etc.) we are safe to make it back in time.
An example of what we saved by going out on our own:
In Grand Turk
How Much You Can Save Planning Your Own Excursion
Our cost:
Scooter rental: $60.00 (+$15.00 tip after; optional)
Extras: $10.00 snocones and drinks at lighthouse
total: $85.00
perks: we had plenty of time to stop, explore and even pet the donkeys
VS.
Ship cost:
Excursion: $69.99 per person
total: $139.98
* The excursion is only about 2 hours and you are completely at the mercy of the tours time schedule. The bus that got to the lighthouse only stayed for about 15-30 minutes, which (in my opinion) is not enough time to explore the whole area even if you don't plan to swim.
Hope you found this helpful! Happy cruising!!
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Words for Wednesday: Dreams and Things
I have been thinking a lot about my "bucket life list" recently. Trying to think of the things I want to do, the places I want to see, in my lifetime. I love this quote for many reason, but ultimately for all the promise it holds. We are made up of every bit of our past, present and future thoughts. The places we have visited before, the things we have already read, but also of all the dreams we hold and all the places that call to us for some reason. Right now what is calling to me is a nagging desire to see the world immediately around me, to immerse myself in it and explore its hidden corners. I would love to have a tiny house, hooked onto the back of a truck, that could take me from town to town. Take me from my little slice of Florida, all the way across the U.S., to the seas of the Pacific and back again. I would love to spend a few months trying out different states; eating in the mom and pop diners, browsing the shelves of a local bookstore, sipping coffee on the sidewalk of the corner bistro. And while I don't know if that will every really happen, at least not anytime soon, I believe that specific desire is a part of my soul for a reason and I believe it's part of the make-up of who I am.
Who are you? What dreams are part of your makeup?
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Woman in Gold
My husband and I went to a prescreening of Woman in Gold last night. It was hands down the best movie we (we meaning he actually agrees and not just me speaking as a we for him) have seen in a very long time. And we see A LOT of movies. I untderstand if you wish to stop reading at this time, while I do promise this post holds no specific spoilers you may be able to deduce the general feel of the from the following thoughts.
I had figured going into the movie that I may cry. I knew what it entailed and I knew there would be scenes from the life of the main character portraying her life as a young Jewish woman in Austria during the Nazi occupation. What I didn't expect to have happen was to feel so utterly connected to the woman she becomes in her later years of life. Maria is now an elderly woman living in America and has enlisted the help of a young family friend who happens to be a lawyer. At one point in the movie she remarks that you must hold onto pieces of your history so that the memories those tangible items hold do not get forgotten. She then states that it is often the younger generations that do the forgetting. Woman in Gold paints a tragically beautiful, hope-filled picture of what happens with our histories. A picture of that younger generation as it learns to embrace a history that it has more distant connections to, while the direct link to the past learns that while objects can pull memories to the surface they have always been held within us wherever we go.
It was for that very reason that I was a sobbing mess at the end of the movie. I have often thought that with age our memories may grow more gray, the edges may fog and fade, the image become less clear. But I wonder now if that is true. Maybe the older we get the more clear the past becomes, fine tuned by the crisp memories of a youthful soul. Maybe that line between the past and the present becomes thinner and it is easier to see the histories we have tried to block from our minds. That thought was crushing, but it was also inspiring, to think about all the memories a lifetime can hold. I think of the memories, pleasant and not, that I carry with me now. The weight of another 50 years of them seems astonishing.
I can remember sitting with my mimi. While she never had many memory problems there were days when I could tell that she thought she was talking to my mother. It was the present memories, the things that had happened the day before that were easier for her to forget, like the fact that my mother was now a grown adult and not the woman in her early 20s sitting across the able from her. That is was actually me. I was ok with that, because the stories she remembered so clearly were the ones that showed me who she was as a woman my own age.
It does get me thinking, about the things I will recollect if I am around to hit the age of 80. What scenes will I be walking into, what memories will I come face-to-face with, whose faces will I see smiling at me from corners of rooms that are no longer a part of my actual surroundings? I sat there in that theater and I could picture myself old and wrinkled, skin thin but bravado strong, saying things so matter-of-factly. Maybe it really is true that the older you get the less you care about speaking your mind. Maybe you speak what you think because you have waited too long to speak your truth and it is finally time to let it all out. To let out all the memories, all the knowledge, all the lessons learned and life lived. You let it out while at the same time it pulls you in. You get pulled into the past, pulled into the story of who you were and who you have become and in that moment you get to live the best of both worlds. You get to live with all you have learned, all you have walked through, all that you are now, but for a brief moment you also get to live it with all the people who had to leave before you did, including the version of yourself you once were.
I had figured going into the movie that I may cry. I knew what it entailed and I knew there would be scenes from the life of the main character portraying her life as a young Jewish woman in Austria during the Nazi occupation. What I didn't expect to have happen was to feel so utterly connected to the woman she becomes in her later years of life. Maria is now an elderly woman living in America and has enlisted the help of a young family friend who happens to be a lawyer. At one point in the movie she remarks that you must hold onto pieces of your history so that the memories those tangible items hold do not get forgotten. She then states that it is often the younger generations that do the forgetting. Woman in Gold paints a tragically beautiful, hope-filled picture of what happens with our histories. A picture of that younger generation as it learns to embrace a history that it has more distant connections to, while the direct link to the past learns that while objects can pull memories to the surface they have always been held within us wherever we go.
It was for that very reason that I was a sobbing mess at the end of the movie. I have often thought that with age our memories may grow more gray, the edges may fog and fade, the image become less clear. But I wonder now if that is true. Maybe the older we get the more clear the past becomes, fine tuned by the crisp memories of a youthful soul. Maybe that line between the past and the present becomes thinner and it is easier to see the histories we have tried to block from our minds. That thought was crushing, but it was also inspiring, to think about all the memories a lifetime can hold. I think of the memories, pleasant and not, that I carry with me now. The weight of another 50 years of them seems astonishing.
I can remember sitting with my mimi. While she never had many memory problems there were days when I could tell that she thought she was talking to my mother. It was the present memories, the things that had happened the day before that were easier for her to forget, like the fact that my mother was now a grown adult and not the woman in her early 20s sitting across the able from her. That is was actually me. I was ok with that, because the stories she remembered so clearly were the ones that showed me who she was as a woman my own age.
It does get me thinking, about the things I will recollect if I am around to hit the age of 80. What scenes will I be walking into, what memories will I come face-to-face with, whose faces will I see smiling at me from corners of rooms that are no longer a part of my actual surroundings? I sat there in that theater and I could picture myself old and wrinkled, skin thin but bravado strong, saying things so matter-of-factly. Maybe it really is true that the older you get the less you care about speaking your mind. Maybe you speak what you think because you have waited too long to speak your truth and it is finally time to let it all out. To let out all the memories, all the knowledge, all the lessons learned and life lived. You let it out while at the same time it pulls you in. You get pulled into the past, pulled into the story of who you were and who you have become and in that moment you get to live the best of both worlds. You get to live with all you have learned, all you have walked through, all that you are now, but for a brief moment you also get to live it with all the people who had to leave before you did, including the version of yourself you once were.
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