Life's Sweet Journey: Words
Showing posts with label Words. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Words. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Words for Wednesday: Living Water

There I was, on the side of a dirt road, surrounded by nothing but green; green lush land and dirty brown water. The water was pumping through a hose, into a huge water tank. It stunk, it had thick brown film floating on top and it was going to help us drill, drill a well to bring clean water to families in Costa Rica. And I thought, "how funny, that such dirty water was ultimately going to lead to clean water." Clean water, the kind that would keep sickness at bay and provide a healthier standard of living. And then I realized how fitting it was. 

Because that is how God works in us. 
He uses the brown, the dirty, the gunk-filled "stuff" that takes up our hearts and clouds our minds. He uses it to create something new. The drill works by pushing the dirty water through metal pipes to break up the dirt below. The dirt is then pushed out of the hole by the force of the water and emptied into pits. Pits that we shovel the dirt out of so that it doesn't clog the pipes up and end up back in the hole it just got removed from. 


God works in us the same way. 
He uses the muck and the sin
 and He washes it clean. 

Like the dirt, we often fight against the pressure, fight to keep control for ourselves, fight to hold onto the things that brought us a false sense of comfort. But He keeps working, slow and steady, always there. He works right through the "rocks" and the "tough earth" and He pushes it out. And He gives us the freedom to shovel it away. He asks us to be a part of the process, to be in relationship with Him and help dig ourselves out of the messes we make. He put the "shovel" there for us, when He sent His son. He gave us the ultimate help. And He keeps working in us. 
He works in us when we forget to pick up the shovel, when we our arms are tired and we feel like giving up and the dirt slips past and back down the hole, letting sin back in. He keeps working and drilling and cleaning, until finally we hit "pay dirt" and the fresh water can flow freely. And that's when all the work spills over and it's not just for us anymore, it's not just in us, but it's all around us. It's all around us, flowing out clean and fresh so that others can rejoice and share in it too. 
God's love is like that in us. It's like muddy Costa Rican water that, when worked through a drill, comes out clean and pure and life sustaining! And it's a glorious thing! 

The work being done through Agua Viva Serves is wonderful and life giving, not just for those in Costa Rica, but for those that get the opportunity to share in the work that is being done. If you would like to know more about the work they do or want put a team together to go you can find more about them at Agua Viva Serves. You can donate and help support their mission here

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Words for Wednesday: Darkness and Hope

I woke up this morning and the first thing I did, as I do pretty much every morning, was reach to the floor and pick up my phone. I slid it out of lock and immediately started scrolling, first Instagram and then Facebook, this is a habit that I am failing to break. And this morning it broke me for a bit. I scrolled aimlessly through Instagram, catching up on the "life" I had missed while sleeping, as if it was the best way to start any day. I stopped briefly on a picture posted by a friend that said "Pray Hard." I liked it, thought to myself, "yes, that is what I need to do. I need to go start my devotion." And then after scrolling a bit further, I switched right to Facebook and thoughts of devotion slipped to the back recesses of my brain.

It was while scrolling Facebook that I found a lot of posts about my brother. People who had been thinking about him, missing him, talking about him, commenting on old posts from before he died. One will pop up from time to time. I can expect multiple around his birthday and in mid-July. But when multiple came up and caught me unaware my brain did the thing in does when it tries to just glaze over things; it turned to fuzz. I got out of bed, went to the kitchen, poured a bowl of Lucky Charms and started my day. I never sat and had a moment that I so needed. It was while in the middle of trying to send a work email that I realized my brain wasn't functioning. I stared at the computer screen as if it would answer emails for me and solve the problems of the day. So I closed my laptop. And I went to the spot that I should have gone to as soon as my feet hit the floor (or really before I ever even flipped on the phone). I tucked my legs beneath me as I sat in the blue chair in the corner of our extra room, the one that has become my place of solace, the place to start my mornings and have God pour into me. I have been reading through a bible book for woman with different verses centered around different topics. I have been opening the book and reading through whatever topic the book opens on. This morning it was Adversity. As I read I realized I had been trying to remove my thoughts from the pain that was trying hard to get in.

Once I had taken time to read and pray, my head felt a little more clear, but my heart felt heavy. I showered and while there, the place where a lot of my thoughts seem to pour directly from my head into my heart, I had an overwhelming feeling to share the following words.

These are words written in a hurry, words that spilled from me looking for escape. They were written almost two years ago and they were words that I had never planned to share with anyone, let alone let them out into the world where they can be read for all to see. They were written after a tear filled car ride to work, where my heart broke open and I addressed fears I had been trying to avoid. I wrote them quickly from my office computer in an email to myself, knowing that no work was going to get done until they had the chance to be free.

Since writing them I have thought of them often, over many of the things I had written only for me. I have often felt this small voice saying "share them," but I pushed that voice down thinking the words were too raw, too festering, too void of any semblance of hope. But that small voice would often answer back and say, "but isn't that what we often need most; the words we are too afraid to voice aloud, the ones that tell us we aren't alone and we aren't the only ones who feel lost. Don't you think that there may be someone, who is in the throes of grief, who needs to know that the darkness doesn't last. That there is light and hope on the other side." Most days I let those whispers simmer, I tell them the time isn't right. But today my answer was different. Today I couldn't fight, I could only listen and as I write I realize how freeing this all is. To see the past and the places grief can take you and to also see where I am today and how far that grief has come, how it lingers, but in a different light, with a newer sense of hope.

My hope in sharing the following words is that if you are struggling, if the world you knew is no longer a tangible thing to you, that you know it will be alright. There is hope and you will get stronger. You will not always feel on the edge of darkness wondering how you will ever find your way out.
I am afraid of nothing.  Nothing scares me! And that scares me more than anything.  I afraid of this nothingness.  I am afraid of the fact that I no longer see a clear picture.  I had this vision of my life.  A plan that I saw at the end of my horizon.  And now... Now I see nothing.  The picture is no longer there. I can see today, I know what today brings.  I can see the past, even in all the uncertain terms of what I thought it was.  The future? I can't see that anymore. And that terrifies me. The pretty little picture I had in my head is one I  am now so unsure of that I can't even picture an alternative. I had wanted kids.  Boat loads of them. I wanted my own baseball team. A house full of little boys running around a big yard, with a tiny little girl chasing after them. A little girl who I would often roll my eyes about just because she would  (try as I might to avoid it) be so spoiled, but who I would also envy because she would never need to know fear, knowing that she always had her brothers to protect her and keep her safe.  I know pictures don't ever come out the way we plan, but now I picture nothing.  The world is not an idyllic place. That little girl would never be able to live her life without knowing fear. I would bring my children into a world where I can promise them nothing.  I am not sure I can do that anymore. Maybe my journey is now to love on ones that are already here, to care for them and protect them as much as I can but that picture doesn't come to mind either.  It is all just blank.  And that nothingness, the darkness, it makes me afraid.  Afraid because my husband deserves all those things we had pictured.  He deserves the chance to spoil a little girl with pig tails and his big brown eyes.  He deserves the chance to teach his sons to be good men, like he is. He deserves to lead by example and this world deserves more men like him. And that terrifies me because all I can give, all I have to promise, is nothing.

And it ends there. It ends there because I had no other words, the reality of life was blinded by the hurt, the loss and the fear of future loss. So my world view shut down on me. In the midst of pain we can so often forget the hope of things still to come, the hope of things being alright because we don't see how they can be.

But then slowly, with time, pain begins to heal, leaving scar tissue behind. The pain isn't gone, we are often reminded of it, but it feels differently than it did. It feels lighter, as if somewhere, in all that darkness, someone shone a light and we slowly and achingly began to walk towards it.

The other day while talking to a friend, we were discussing the sense that ultimately we are ok and that really, that truth is one of the hardest things to wrap our heads around. When some huge, fundamental part of your life is just gone, you can't grasp the understanding of "you will be okay." But then life moves around you. It envelopes you again into the daily living, the joyful moments, and you find yourself smiling. You find yourself laughing and loving and hoping. You find yourself "alright." But alright makes less sense, because how can you be alright when something is that broken, when moments that should be shared with people who can't be here are shared anyways? And I have come to realize that I can rest in that because that is what we are called for. We are called to keep living, we are called to keep loving others and to not give up the fight. We are called to make our lost ones memories sweeter and cherish moments more dearly because we know how fleeting it all is.

And so I walk now with hope, hope and fear. 
I think they so very often go hand-in-hand, don't you?!

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Words for Wednesday: Babe Edition

In honor of yesterday's anniversary reflections today's quotes are all about the guy I'm thankful to have spent the last 5 years married to. I am thankful that he shows me what love looks like with his actions just as much as, if not more than, his words. And I am thankful that he knows me inside and out and that he knew that I could never be a steady, stationary thing. I am beyond grateful that he never tried to "clip my wings" and instead watches me as a fly, standing solid and steady. The ever present homing signal I need to always know the way back home. 

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Words for Wednesday: Surrender

So back at the beginning of this year, I chose surrender as my word for 2015. I have never done the whole 'one word for a year' thing and I haven't been pouring as much into it as I would have liked too. But it is ever present; it's there in words my ears pick up without meaning to, words like 'let go', it's there in the devotions that somehow seem to keep coming up and it's in the things I find myself pinning before I fall asleep at night. So today's Words for Wednesday post is for the small part of me that is learning what surrender really looks like. 

I think this one is the one that spoke the most to me. I have always been a firm believer in "our past is always with us", that it is part of who we are. And while I do still believe that, I think this surrender journey has left me feeling slightly different. The person I was, even two years ago, isn't the person I am today and while there are parts of her that I miss, there are also parts of her that I need to let go and move on from. I need to surrender the things that are remaining so that I can be the best version of the person that I am today. And while all those bits and pieces have helped reshape my soul into what it looks like now, I no longer need to carry the extra weight of them with me. And I am learning to realize that that is ok. 

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Words for Wednesday: New Quote Find

I recently stumbled upon a new writer and I love so many of her quotes. Today's Words for Wednesday is courtesy of Victoria Erickson. 

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Words for Wednesday: What I'm Reading

Today's Words for Wednesday post is from the book I am currently reading LOVING! I devoured it! Sarah Addison Allen is a beautiful storyteller. I have loved all of her books with their small town feel filled with bits of magic. They are always just a perfect dose of sweetness for my soul and First Frost was not different. I would highly recommend it. Here's a peek at some of my favorite quotes and maybe you will see why. 
*If you do choose to read First Frost though, start with Garden Spells. It is one of her earlier books and features the same characters. 

"A woman's ability to surprise herself is far stronger than her ability to surprise others."

"Somehow, it's the real stories that are the hardest to tell." 

"...a prison sometimes isn't a prison at all. Sometimes it's simply a door you assume is locked because you've never tried to open it." 

"Happiness isn't a point in time you leave behind. It's whats ahead of you. Every single day." 

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Words for Wednesday: Dreams and Things

I have been thinking a lot about my "bucket life list" recently. Trying to think of the things I want to do, the places I want to see, in my lifetime. I love this quote for many reason, but ultimately for all the promise it holds. We are made up of every bit of our past, present and future thoughts. The places we have visited before, the things we have already read, but also of all the dreams we hold and all the places that call to us for some reason. Right now what is calling to me is a nagging desire to see the world immediately around me, to immerse myself in it and explore its hidden corners. I would love to have a tiny house, hooked onto the back of a truck, that could take me from town to town. Take me from my little slice of Florida, all the way across the U.S., to the seas of the Pacific and back again. I would love to spend a few months trying out different states; eating in the mom and pop diners, browsing the shelves of a local bookstore, sipping coffee on the sidewalk of the corner bistro. And while I don't know if that will every really happen, at least not anytime soon, I believe that specific desire is a part of my soul for a reason and I believe it's part of the make-up of who I am. 

Who are you? What dreams are part of your makeup? 

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Words for Wednesday: Adulting

I found this quote not too long ago and while times aren't that dark today I know there is someone somewhere who could use a push, a reminder, to keep chugging along. Whenever I read this, on a dark day or a brighter one, I am reminded about why I love it so much. It is short and simple and to the point. You have made it, you have made it through hard things and while you will face them again, you also know that you have the strength to make it through. You have done it before! So hold tight and be strong, there is light to look forward to. 

And just in case you are more of a "I need humor more than a dose of reminders in order to keep my head up today" kind of person, then I hope you enjoy this little ditty that has kept me smiling for the past week or so... 

And with that I am off to Disney, because that is where I take myself when I am just plain done and over the "adulting" thing for the day!! Seriously, why didn't the grown-ups warn us better about this whole thing?! 

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Words for Wednesday: Ash Wednesday

Today I find myself exponentially grateful for God's outstanding grace. I am thankful that love is shaped like a cross, like a Man with outstretched arms, who died because of love. Because of His love for us; for broken, sinful people. He came to Earth to make sure we got to live forever with Him and He came because of a love that would save the world from itself. I pray that in this time, I will pull closer to Him and to that love. I prat that I can better learn to love like Jesus did and that I can embrace this Lenten season with an open heart, one that can better see and fully live the miracle of Jesus' life. This year for Lent I am not giving up something that I will, most likely, fail at. Instead, I want to pick up intentionality. Intentionally spending time in God's word, learning more about Him and His heart. Maybe that means I am ultimately giving up time I would be spending doing something else, but I want this season to be about growing closer to the meaning of a love that looks like a Cross. 

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Words for Wednesday: A Winged Soul Favorite RM Drake Quotes

RM Drake Quotes
Today's Words for Wednesday quotes are just some of my favorites (a very small portion really) from R.M. Drake. Though I know he has intended them about someone other than himself, there is something in them that speak to me on a personal level about my own soul. I have always been a head in the clouds, fly-away, dreamer. It is that part of my soul that will always be forever grateful that God chose a man like Babe to be my husband; a man that knew that part of my soul needed to stay wild and so he nurtures it, loves it and lets it fly, because he knows that is the way to keep it flying home...   
RM Drake QuotesRM Drake Quotes

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Words with Friends

Friends, the welcome to adulthood version!
So, after the first week back at school, and back to a realistic schedule, I came home and took to the couch where I then proceeded to not move. For the entirety of the afternoon. Did you know that the all 10 seasons of Friends are now on Netflix? Well, they are. I had planned to simply watch the final three episodes, which I did. I laughed, I clapped, I awwed!! I loved it as much now as I did in 2003 (yup, 2003!) And now I am well into the middle of season 1. So much for just a few episodes, right?

Watching Friends as an adult, you pick up on things you didn't as someone coming of age. You still watch the story, you watch it unfold for characters you fell in love with so many years ago, but somehow the words mean something different now. Or else you just hear parts you chose to ignore before.

5 Things I Reheard (with adult ears) while watching Friends
"Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gunna love it."
- Sure 'nuf! As a teen I know exactly what I heard "real world (ie adult world), you're gunna love it!" That whole it sucks part? Went in one ear and out the other. Adulthood was this glorious thing, that I was going to enter into, fully knowing myself, my place in the world and how it was all supposed to fit together. Adults sometimes forget to mention that to children, you know the fact that it doesn't all fit together right. Or did I just fail to hear them? Probably. But I do love it. It sucks. Somedays it sucks real bad. But then there are those days, or even those little moments that shine inside the really sucky days, that make me remember I love it. It's real, it can be real sucky, but I love it.

"When did it all get so complicated?" 
- Somewhere, at some point along the way it got way complicated. But that's ok. It's supposed to be complicated, if it wasn't we wouldn't be here, we would be in Heaven.

"What if we dont get magic beans? What if all we have is beans?"
- There are days where I feel like I have no beans. No beans anywhere. And then somedays? They feel like days full of copious amounts of magic beans. Days where I have beans to share with the world. "You get a magic bean! And you get a magic bean!"

"Do you have a plan? I don't even have a pl."
- I thought for sure I would have this amazingly, wonderful, glorious plan for my life by the time I hit the age of 25 tops and then by the time I hit 28 I would have it nicely tied up, with a beautiful bow sitting atop. Well, I have had many of those said plans. And then reality set in and God said, "that was really sweet, but that's not your life." And now here I am with a job I LOVE and a community of people I am blessed to have in my life. And yet, I would tell you that I just have a pl at this point. I am still trying to figure out what the rest of my life is going to look like when I "grow up" and that's ok. It's all a journey.

"I've got magic beans."
- The scene ends, the episode is winding down and the questions we all ponder as adults have been thrown around. "How do we find the magic in it all?" And the answer is, we really never have to find it. It is always there. It is in the little moments, it's in the friends we hold close to our hearts- you know, the ones that never leave you even especially when life starts to pour- it's in the small blessings that fill each day. We all have a pocket full of magic beans, we just simply have to see them for what they are.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Words For Wednesday: The First

I originally intended part of this blog as a space for words. Not my words, the words of others. Words that had touched me in some way. Words from books, movies or any other form of media, spoken or printed, that stuck with me long after I had closed the pages or walked away. I figured it was time I finally started sharing them. And so I am dubbing most Wednesday's from here on out as Words for Wednesday. Some will be just the words; quotes from people who can say what I am feeling, at a certain time, better than I can. And some will be there words and my own. The quotes that spoke so much into my soul and why they did.

Today's words come from one of my favorite books read this year, in all my 28 years really; 
The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. 

"He forgets, that he was someone's dream once, himself."

"The finest of pleasures are unexpected ones." 

"It is difficult to see the situation for what it is when you are in the midst of it. It is too familiar. Too comfortable." 

Though written by Oscar Wilde, it is also a favorite and sits as the opening to The Night Circus.

"Love" is fickle and fleeting. It is rarely a solid foundation for decisions to be made upon.

"No you were not destined or chosen. You were in the right place at the right time, and you care enough to do what needs to be done. Sometimes that's enough." 

"There is nothing wrong with being a dreamer. But dreams have a way of turning into nightmares." 

And while I know the last one is  a long one, I hope that you have made it this far, because it is one of my absolute favorites: 
"Stories have changed, my dear... There are no more monsters to slay, no maidens in need of rescue. Most maidens are perfectly capable of rescuing themselves in my my experience, at least the ones worth something in any case. There are no longer simple tales with quests and beasts and happy endings. The quests lack clarity of goal or path. The beasts take different forms and are difficult to recognize for what they are. And there are never really endings, happy or otherwise. Things keep going on, they overlap and blur, your story is part of your sister's story is part of many other stories, and there is no telling where any of them may lead. Good and evil are a great deal more complex than a princess or a dragon, or a wolf and a scarlet-clad little girl. And is not the dragon the hero of his own story? Is not the wolf simply acting as a wolf should act? 

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Books Lists and Life

Right before Thanksgiving a good friend and fellow blogger wrote, not one but two, wonderful book lists and encouraged others to do the same. The first list included the books she hopes to read in 2015. The second list was the 15 books that have made an impression on her and that she found worthy of adorning her bookshelf for a lifetime to come. You can find hers here at Boundary Stone!

These are mine...
The books that have a permanent spot on my bookshelf:
1.) The Jesus Storybook Bible, Sally Lloyd Jones- Every bookshelf needs this!
2-8.) Harry Potter (all 7)- J.K. Rowling- These book changed the trajectory of how/what I read.
9.) Mercy, Jodi Picoult 
10.) The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, C.S. Lewis 
11.) Where the River Ends, Charles Martin, this book (and #9) changed the way I saw my marriage, made me think about it in a new way and it scared me, in a good way. 
12.) Unwritten, Charles Martin- This was my favorite fictional book of 2014 and will be added to my shelf to read again. 
13.) Jesus Calling, Sarah Young- Those quite moments with God? I need them. This book has helped me set the pace for those moments. 
14.) Redeeming Love, Francine Rivers
15.) The Story of Ferdinand, Munro Leaf- I collect children's books like it's my business, but this one, it just settles my soul. 
16.) The Night Circus, Erin Morgenstern- Because sometimes you need just one more. 
And because my love for quotes is one of the original reasons I started this blog, these are some of my favorites from the books listed above: 
* "If God had wanted us to act on instinct, He wouldn't have given us the power to reason."- Mercy
* "Do you know how you can love people more on certain days? It wasn't the way your hair looked when the sun hit it just right or the feeling of your hands locked around mine. It was because on that day, at least, you didn't give up."- Mercy
* "It is our choices that show who we are, far more than our abilities." -HP and the Chamber of Secrets
* "We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided." -HP and the Goblet of Fire 
* "We all live, we all die, but it's the part in between that matters. To love well... that's something else. It's a choosing- something done again and again and again. No matter what. And in my experience, if you so choose, you better be willing to suffer hell." - Where the River Ends
* "I don't care what trash the world throws at you, don't let it muddy your reflection."- Where the River Ends 
* "The hurt reminded me of what was, and is, beautiful. Of what I'd known and lost. Of love given. And taken away. The more it hurt, the sweeter the memory. So while I mind the hurt, I live with it." - Where the River Ends 
* "All hearts have but one request. One simple, unspoken, undeniable need. On undeniable fear. To be known. You can stamp it. Kill it. Box it up and hem it in. Numb it and close the door. Bury it and nail it shut. Encase it in stone. But eventually, the needs of the hart will tear the door off its hinges, unearth it and crack the stone. No prison ever built could house it. Those of us who think we can are lying to ourselves. And to those next to us. Hope never dies." -Unwritten
 "Maybe broken is not the end of things, but the beginning. Maybe broken is what happens before you become unbroken." -Unwritten
* "Love, the real kind... is opening your bag of you and risking the most painful statement ever uttered between the stretched edges of the universe, that "this was once me."- Unwritten

So, now that I have rambled out quote after quote at you, here are the books I hope to read in 2015: 
1.) The Jesus Storybook Bible, Sally Lloyd Jones- Because I want to read this every day, for the rest of forever!
2-5.) Chronicles of Narnia (starting with Book 4)- I so want to finish this series
6.) The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller- I started this 4+ years ago after we got married, I would like to finish it.
7.) Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis
8.) A Life Intercepted, Charles Martin
9.) Codependent No More, Melody Beattie- Also started, closed the pages until I came to terms with the fact that I had been codependent since childhood and now I want to finish what I started.
10.) Things Christians Like, Jon Acuff- Really just anything by him, I saw him speak at the Orange Tour and the man be FUNNY! 
11.) The Light Between Oceans, M.L. Stedman- This book has been on my need to read list for 2 years now. 
12.) The Normal One, Jeanna Safer 
13.) Bad Girls of the Bible: and What we can Learn from Them, Liz Curtis Higgs 
14.) The Prodigal God, Tim Keller 
15.) Leaving Time, Jodi Picoult 

Any other recommendations of books to add to my list this year?

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Words of Others

Sometimes, often a lot of times, there are words that belong to other people that seem to speak to your heart better than your own words could. It's as if they say all the things your heart has been trying to transmit to your brain, the words that get stuck and jumbled between the feelings that are mixed into them. After posting on Monday, and reading through it again on Tuesday, I remembered a post I read quite a few months back on Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience. I love her blog posts, but this was one that had touched me and that would constantly pop back into my head from time to time. It was her words that first had me wondering about what it meant to be married to a stranger... 

"Everyone always marry wrong.
Because what’s wrong in the world is always us.
Marriage and love and time, these are the enormous forces that inevitably chisel and change us into strangers. The springs sag. Mattresses sigh. Marriage changes us into strangers who have to meet again and introduce each other to love."
and it was her words that encouraged my heart and my marriage in all it's "boring" love ways. 

I was laying here, watching My Fair Lady and scrolling through posts and I opened the link and the rest of the world faded away. I thought I would share it with you, because as I was reading it (again) I found myself in awe at the way her words reached places hidden deep in the far corners of thoughts. Maybe they will do the same for you. 

This is a beautiful post and I hope you find the same encouragement in it that I do! 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Coming Back

I sit, and the days go by, folding in on each other like pages of a book that is just slightly over descriptive, that you find yourself reading over too much.  It is in the read over, in the skimming, that you realized you missed some crucial point hidden in all the clutter. So you go back to move forward, you go back to find the point where you missed the message and you carry on from there.  That is what today feels like, that is what this weekend felt like. The picking up and the carrying on. Excitement felt freeing. Hearing Babe tell me "You are such a big kid sometimes" was light, but what came after, that part was heavy. "You haven't acted like that in a while." There was no mocking in his tone, I could only hear longing. Longing and hope. Hope that it would stick. And after the sad taste of swallowing all the moments in which I thought I had done a good job of "being" excited, I felt it too, that hope. And so I'm going back and I am hoping that person, the one that has simply been trying to get from one moment to the next is not gone, because she was needed, but that she has found room for "the other one".  The one who hunts alligators and finds freedom in the little moments of stolen splendor, who does life and doesn't let life do her.  I want to read each page. The fast paced ones where you are clinging to each word and the descriptive ones too; the ones that hold the beauty and the heartache and the pain and the freedom and the redemption. I want to soak it all in and live on each moment that life brings. 

And so I have decided to come back, back to this world that I so enjoyed during the brief time that I was here. I may not be here often and it may be sporadic but I enjoyed this space and I feel like I have words now, words that couldn't seem to find their way to the surface for a while. And I may be coming back to myself, because no one may have even realized I hadn't been by this little space and there may not be many who will read this, and that's ok beccause coming back to myself may really be what I need most of all.

***This was written quite a few weeks ago and the coming back has been a process, but for some reason today just felt like the right day! 

Below is the day in reference and it (and many more sense) have been good, GOOD days! And good in the sense that even the tough parts have been soaked in. So if you are reading this, I am sorry for the hiatus and I am so very glad to be back! 

Friday, June 28, 2013

Just Call Me the Mad Hatter (or am I the Rabbit? or Alice?)

And all today's wisdom will come from Alice and Wonderland, mainly because I had tried to start a paragraph, got halfway through it and then realized it made not one lick of sense to any suitable brain. Made perfect sense to mine today, after a two hour long crazy and fun conversation with a friend that in hindsight left me feeling a little out of sorts and in a mood for comparing her story to my own (they are similar yet each with their own twists)... thou shall not compare! It's never good (see there I go not making much sense again)! These words should sum it up better than I ever could. Enjoy! And have a fabulous, carefree, and crazy weekend! Apparently that seems to be the mood I am in. 

And that is all. Good day to you! 

Saturday, May 25, 2013

What A Stranger Says

Day 25 is something someone told us that we will never forget.  

Words? They seem so simple, yet they hold within them immense power.  There is power in them to break a soul and power to bring one out of the deepest pit. They can shine a light or brand us with a label that seems so hard to take off.  

I have been told many things in my life that will always be with me. Words that have had to be forgiven, even if an apology was never offered and words that I have returned to in order to help me through rough patches.  The following story is one of the brighter ones and the first thing that came to my mind when I read this post topic (the fact that it won out over others made me smile).  Too often I remember words that I wish I had never heard.  

These words were told to me a long time ago, back when Ty-man (my nephew who is now 8) was only about two and looked kind of like this... 

Andrew and I had him one night and we all went to dinner at Chili's.  We ate and talked and played.  There was a family sitting in the booth next to us (a man, woman and preteen girl). When they got up to leave the woman walked over to our table and said "Excuse me, but I just wanted to tell you that you are a wonderful mom. You are so patient with him." I think there was some other stuff in there but that first sentence had captured me to the point that most of the other stuff has gotten fuzzy over time.  I am not sure what led her to say that but that was the best compliment anyone could have given me.  Even though he is not mine, and I never know how to approach the "oh thank you but..." when someone tells me what cute kids I have, my young, child-loving, all-I-want-to-be-someday-is-a-mama heart was very blessed by her that night.  I was going on twenty at the time (and probably looked much younger, because this aging thing hadn't caught up to me yet) so she may have just been wanting to give a young mom some praise but hey I will take it.  At that point in my life I had a one track mind.  My plan was to finish school, get married (mainly with the thought of children in mind) and then have children right away. Though life has taught me to slow down and embrace being free for a while and learn to love my husband well, someday I know I will pull from those words when I have an infant crying and a two year old screaming, clinging to my leg and I will find comfort in knowing that somewhere out there is someone who thought of me as able to take it all on.