Ode to 17 Year Old Me Then and Now

I am excited to finally be jumping on the Blogtember train! I knew I wasn't going to try to blog my way all the way through, but there were certain prompts that caught my eye. Today's was the first one that really jumped out at me, mainly because I had actually done something similar when I first started this blog. I thought it would be neat to go to the beginning of it all, see where I started, where I was at during that time in my life and where things have come. 

Today's prompt asked us to write a letter to our 16 year old self and while my original letter was to my 17 year old self I figured it was close enough that I could break the rules a little (I have been known to do that from time to time, just ask 17 year old me). I figured I would share my original post and then build on the letter with what I have learned in the 2.5 years since it was written. The original letter (or ode really) read as follows... 
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Then

Ode to my 17 year old self

You think life is only going to exponentially get better and you think adulthood is some fairytale; Ha! Try again; life ain't no joke kid.  

You think that you will go off to college, be wild and crazy for awhile and then settle down; Ha again! You stay in your hometown for college (something you swore you would never do) by choice, you will get married as soon as college is over, after having spent the majority almost all of your college life acting as if you already were. 

You think that after getting married you will start a family right away and all will even out and be as it should; Ha ha!! You actually partake in some of that crazy college-like life that you didn't have about a year after getting married and realized that while fun, life happened as it should, you personally didn't miss out on much and had you actually done said "full-blown-crazy-college-life" you would not be where you are (God knew what He was doing).  You will also realize that as much as you assumed jumping right into having said baby would be a wonderful idea you had to learn to be a good wife first. Good wives set good examples for children down the road (or so you are now assuming). And you now know to think, "Life as it should be? What does that even mean?"

You will not even think about the things you will have lost along the road to where you are; please make sure you have told the people you love how much they truly mean. 

You will find comfort in the fact that you think she knew how much you loved her, but it will not make missing her all the time any easier. 

You think that things have gotten as bad as they can get with issues involving your brother; I am really sorry (for him and you and everyone) that that is just not true.  There is grace thrown in there though. You will learn how to play your part and when it is time to just bow out and realize that the best help you can give is to not try to fix everything.  You will learn to focus more on yourself and the things in you that need fixing. 

You assume that because you have stayed on a pretty good path you won't be tempted by anything "bad"; Oh contrare.  You just realize that temptation takes on different faces and while at 17 you would have never considered certain things "bad" they can still be just as damaging to your world if you let them be. 

You think that there may be the possibility of marrying the man in the picture next to you; yay for you! This one actually worked out for you (though there were times, due to your own ignorant head, that you could have wrecked everything).  Thank heavens the person next to you was already well on his way to being a stable, level-headed man and not some dumb boy who would have actually let you let yourself just walk away. 

You never think about how much said man in the picture will teach you; Oh my dear young soul; things; profound things (and not just laundry).  Remember to be thankful for him and not to take him for granted.  You do it far more often than you should; stop!

Oh the list of things I could continue to tell you about yourself and who you were and who we have become.  We are still changing.  We do not like change by the way (at least for right now), though I think I remember you did (does that mean that 26 year old you is scared of 17 year old you? Oh help us, maybe it does).  So I guess for now that is all I will leave you with, but please remember to be grateful always.  You have never had it all that terrible (and that is an immense understatement). 
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Now
Oh the feels I get when reading that now. There is so much that has changed and at the same time so much that hasn't. I think the biggest things I would add are... 

At 17 you don't know how broken the world can be, you had glimpses, but nothing to prepare you for the utter destruction that can hit a heart this side of Heaven. But you also don't know strength. Not yet. But you learn it, you watch it. You watch yourself and others pick up pieces that can't fully even mend on this Earth, but you pick it up at carry it. You carry yours, you carry others, and others help you lighten the load. You learn that this world is full of things that can trip you and take you under, but you learn that is also so very full (full to the brim) of Grace and Love and a community of people who understand that we need to have one another's backs in order to make life work well. It's the same community of people who supported you and shielded you as you grew. But now you are old enough to help them with that burden, a burden that becomes lighter as you work together. 

At 17 you don't know what losing a sibling can do to the inner workings of someone. But unfortunately you learned. You know that it can shift so many things inside your soul, but that you can still stay the same person all at the same time. You know that it can take you to the darkest of places, but that through that darkness there is a Light that only grows stronger in weakness and that shines in a different way now. 

You still take that boy next to you for granted too much, but there's a deeper appreciation for the man he is and the way he helps you follow your dreams! Praise the Lord you are learning to get a few things right in your old age. The man God gave you as a partner is so much better than you could have ever dared dream for, you've learned that along the way and you are still reminded of it all the time. He has taken the turns of life with you, the changes to your heart, and loved you solidly through it all. He has supported new dreams and held your hand as you worked through letting go of old ones. He, and your day-to-day life together, is your biggest adventure to date, don't ever forget that! 

Oh and guess what?! You have learned to embrace change! In fact, in some ways you have returned to your 17 year old adventurous soul. When your whole world changes in an instant you kind of have to roll with it. And you literally are. As in you bought an RV and plan to take the open roads by storm. You are dreaming of crazy things now, of changing the path your adult self had planned for your life. It's doubtful that you will really change it completely, but you aren't afraid to anymore. It's freeing really. You aren't as afraid of risks and change (part of you still thinks you should be), but instead the idea just incredibly excites you. 

And on that note I guess we will check back in in another 2.5 years. As which point this blog post will need to be written into a novel because it has just gotten way too long... 

5 Things for Friday

5 fun things this week in this crazy household! 

Snow! Beautiful Snow! 

Babe and I just got back from Snowshoe in West Virginia and we could not have been blessed with the most perfect ski weather! We typically ski Snowshoe in March in years prior, but had booked for earlier this year and we are glad we did. We have never seen so much snow. The big northeast snow storm didn't hurt us either. It was piled high!! If you are planning a ski vacation soon and can't spend the big bucks to fly out West I totally recommend Snowshoe. It's a wonderful resort and it is also a great place to learn to ski if you have never been. There is a great mix of runs and enough variety that you can work your way up, but the runs aren't so long to where you feel like you are wearing yourself out too quickly. We really find it to be the best resort to ski on the east coast unless you are able to make it up higher into Vermont. We drive it so it's the perfect destination to be able to reach it without feeling like you are spending more time in the car than on the slopes. 

Thrifty Cold Weather Shopping 

If you are anything like me, you love a good vacation! You love it even more when you save money on it. While Snowshoe has gone up in price just a bit since we originally started going almost 10 years ago, we still find it to be very reasonably priced. And with gas rates at their new glorious low driving there was our best option (I am also a lover of road trip time so that was a perk in my book! As long as the drive is under 12 hours I would much prefer the car to a plane). However, trying to make sure you are prepared for cold weather can get pricey. Best way to save some dollars is to plan ahead. We bought our ski clothes at an outlet during the summer and prices were super low. I also typically stock up on Hothands hand and foot warmers when they are in the dollar spot at Target (plus you can't beat getting super cute Disney ones). You can get double packs in many cases and if you wait until you get to the slopes to buy them they will be upwards of $3. Same thing with waters and Gatorades. We make sure to grab those at a Walmart before going up the mountain. Prices skyrocket once you reach the smaller towns/ ski resort, plus the selection is a lot smaller. 

The Maze Runner Series

I have been making my way through The Maze Runner series and have been loving it! I devoured the second one in two days (though the road trip home definitely played a large part in that). I highly recommend it if you are a fellow book lover! 

Getting Excited for Birmingham

Making me miss the long dark hair! Excited for time with these sweet ladies! 

A few years ago my mom and I and a girlfriends mom flew out to Birmingham to visit my childhood friend who moved there when she got married. We had a great time eating our way through little cafes, hiking and window shopping. We are doing it again for Valentine's Day weekend. I am excited for a little girlie R&R!! My girlfriend always has some of the best little adventures planned and I can't wait to see a little taste of how she spends her days now that she is a wedding planner. You can check out her sweet site at Kalee Baker Events.

Valentine's Day Prep 

I have never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day, so me being gone it not that big of a deal for us as a couple. We will probably do a Disney night one night before I leave. However, being in the classroom this year I have found it fun to watch the kiddos get excited about Valentine's Day. I have been having fun pinning Valentine's Day crafts and coming up with ideas for their little goodies. If anyone would like to use it I have created a Valentine that can be used to go along with Extra gum. It is free in my Teachers Pay Teachers store.   

Hoping everyone has a wonderful weekend!! 

Any Valentine ideas for a wifey who's never been huge on the day in the first place? Feeling like trying to leave a festive gift for while I'm away. 

Linking up with Christina and the other wonderful 5 on Friday ladies! 

Words for Wednesday: A Winged Soul Favorite RM Drake Quotes

Today's Words for Wednesday quotes are just some of my favorites (a very small portion really) from R.M. Drake. Though I know he has intended them about someone other than himself, there is something in them that speak to me on a personal level about my own soul. I have always been a head in the clouds, fly-away, dreamer. It is that part of my soul that will always be forever grateful that God chose a man like Babe to be my husband; a man that knew that part of my soul needed to stay wild and so he nurtures it, loves it and lets it fly, because he knows that is the way to keep it flying home...   

2015! Let it Ring!

A bad habit I am going to break:

Worry! I want to surrender worry. To let go of things I can’t control (ie everything) and just let it be.

A new skill I would like to learn:

I would like to learn how to best be still. To sit in the quietness of the morning with an empty mind and open heart so that I can best be available to just listen. I want to be able to sit and take in a moment with God without my own thoughts for the day ahead, or the latest worry that I have already spent time obsessing over, trying to out shine the still small voice to I so need to hear.

A person I hope to be more like:

My Mimi. She was a woman filled with such quiet grace and so much wisdom. When my mom said to me recently “you are your Mimi's kind of Christian, must skip a generation” I thought so much about what that meant. The thought made me smile. Though she may think I am more like Mimi than her I don’t know if I am as much like Mimi as I would like to be. Quiet? Nope! Wisdom? Doubtful! Loud grace? Maybe. I want to work on the rest of it.

A good deed I am going to do:

I am not sure how much I like this one, because I would like to think that I just do them when the moment arises and that I need not think about it. However, I know that I feel short on something that had been sitting on my heart. There is a homeless man that I pass every morning on the way into work. I often try to avoid him because I have nothing for him. But that isn’t true. I can smile, I can try to arrive early so that I have time to say hello, to talk to him. I had meant to bring a little Christmas bundle with me the last week of school, a gift to give him, but also something to spark a conversation. When the last day rolled around and I walked out of the parking garage, my heart sank because I realized I hadn’t done what I had intended too. I currently have the bag packed with goodies and plan to take it on the first day back in the New Year.

A place I would like to visit:

Though I doubt I will make it this year, I would really like to go to Africa and it is something that I would like to start planning and saving for. Going to Africa is something that I have always been afraid of, for many reasons. 1.) I am not an out of my comfort zone traveler. I decided during our honeymoon trip abroad that I was a US traveler. But a trip to Costa Rica to work with Agua Viva Serves changed that perspective, at least in terms of mission work. I want to REALLY go out of that comfort zone. 2.) I can’t help but think that it will forever change my heart, my life and my perspective. And while I know that it will all be for the better, change at all, terrifies me. I want to let that go!!

And so I just want to do it. I want to let go of the fear and go, for myself and for the Still Small Voice that I hear saying, “Just go.”

A book I would like to read:

I received Unwrapping the Greatest Gift, The Family Christmas Treasury by Ann Voskamp. Next year at Christmas I hope to read through it with my family during Advent. That and the Jesus Storybook Bible, again! I know I have mentioned it in pretty much every other post, but seriously! I love it!

A letter I am going to write:

I have so often thought about this letter. I have started to form it so many times in my head. It is a letter to a girl I do not know, a friend of a friend, who wrote to me after my brother died. Her letter meant so much to me and I have never let her know. I want to do that. I want to actually finish it. I had been at such a loss of words right after and even now I am not sure how best to tell her just how much it touched my heart. But I plan to!

A new food I am going to try:

Try all the foods!! That is all!

I’m going to do better at:

Being present! Being fully enveloped in each moment. In the stillness when it’s still, in the chaos when it’s called for, in the sad moments when your heart just needs to weep or when you just need to be someone’s shoulder and in the joy when God graces my life with unbound, mouth-splitting, teeth-shining glory. Present in all the moments; big, small and in between.

Here's to 2015!! 

I would love to see your plans for 2015! 
1.)Link-up using the link below! 
2.) Use the image at the top of this post and share what you hope to have in store for the new year. Have other plans not on the list? Create your own 2015 list and share it! 
3.) Link back so that others can link-up too! 
4.) Explore all the 2015 fun!! 

While the Husband's Away the Wife Will Play...

While Babe is away, the wife will play... 

loads and loads of movies on Netflix!! 

She will also consume copious amounts of popcorn!! As in, I ate it every night for a week, save one when I went to dinner with my sis-in-law (for all intents and purposes). And I was NOT sad about it. 

Don't get me wrong, I miss him when he is away, but I also LOVE the hog all the bed space and covers to myself  (each morning you could have found me cocooned like a papoose), love the ability to have no shame in eating said popcorn and love that I get to choose movies without the consideration for mankind in my household. Here was what I chose for my viewing pleasure this week: 

1.) The One: I am loving Anne Hathaway lately, after her performance in Les Mis. So when I saw this on the Netflix feed I figured I would give it a go. Two seconds in I was about ready to turn it off. Lots of cover-your-eyes scenes, lots of English (like the proper kind from across the sea) talk that I didn't quite grasp and I could kind of tell it was going to be a movie that I typically don't like. Mostly because I could tell it was going to be somewhat realistic and tragic and I usually like my movies to take me outside the realm of "this would actually happen in life." I'm a Breakfast at Tiffany's meeting Hunger Games type girl. However, this movie somehow kept my interest and I was unable to turn it off. I just had to see if my predictions were correct. And while they mostly were (I am usually pretty spot on at movie predictions) I found that I was glad I watched it. May or may not be your cup of tea, but I think if you are in the mood for a good rainy, wallow day you could give it a try. 

2.) The Ghost and Mrs. Muir: So I found this one when scrolling through Netflix for Rex Harrison movies. It is an old black and white, in which Rex plays the role of a ghost. He is the ghost of a sailor that haunts the seaside house he once owned. When a widowed woman moves in with her young daughter he is determined to scare her away like other occupants who tried to purchase his home, that is until they form a friendship that goes deeper. I watched it in two parts, started it at night and finished in the morning because some parts were slower. Overall though I thought it was a sweet film that is worth a go. 

3.) My Fair Lady: I don't really think I have words for this. If you have seen it, you understand why and if you haven't? Well, what are you waiting for?! I LOVE this movie!! It is the reason I was searching for Rex Harrison. His combination with the always wonderful Audrey Hepburn makes for a perfect movie night. 

"Let a woman in your life and you invite eternal strive..." and then that closing scene?! Oh! It gets me every single time!! 

4.) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1: Also in need of no explanation, other than I was able to watch it without having to hear, "Not again!" In his defense, he has watched those movies with me probably over 50 times, maybe even nearing 75. It's a problem I may need to get looked at, but I will wait until I can find someone to invent a charm for that- and there are far more important things that one may need a charm for, like finding out how I can get a Dobby! Just want to squeeze him and give him hugs! 

5.) Scandal: My new found Netflix show that I am not sure if I should keep watching (I can not start another show)... I started watching season 3 with a girlfriend this afternoon, as we cleaned out my closet (she made me remove 30 items!! It is so bare, but she was under the impression that clothes owned for over 10 years should be gotten rid of. Crazy girl!), and I was hoooked!! Hooked!! Granted, this is probably a show Babe would also enjoy so now that I am four episodes in he may have some catching up to do. 

What about you? Watch anything noteworthy lately? 

Linking up with Christina and the other lovely ladies of the 5 on Friday! 

Married and Dating

So yesterday, I took someone on a date... 
myself. 

Not just any ole' date, but to Disney. I must say, since getting our passes I had been planning to do just this. More of a lunch time, mid-day treat type date. However, yesterday I had planned for Babe to join me. Well, due to the soccer game and poor communication skills, I ended up flying solo. So I packed a backpack with all the things dear to "me time"- my books and camera- and I headed on my way. 

I must admit it was strange. Disney is not typically the place people go alone. I did get a few looks while sitting at dinner, with my book as my only companion. I think mainly because I chose to do a seated dinner. I went to Tony's Town Square Restaurant and I would quite recommend this quaint place. I only ordered the tomato and mozzarella salad, but it was delicious and the smells were delightful! 

I had never been and can't wait to try it again. The hostess even found me a seat, even though at first there hadn't been any she thought she could offer me. Following dinner I walked around, planning to just sit and read. I instead decided to take a little Haunted Mansion ride. Yes, the one ride I chose to go it alone was a haunted house. It was perfect! It was dark, I sprawled out across the seat, laid my head against the side rest and let the darkness drawl me in and lull me into a stupor. I rode the boat both over to the park and back and read my book each time. I must admit it did feel kind of fog like, then again this whole week really has for some reason, but it gave me time to ponder to myself as to why. It gave me time to reflect on myself, reflect on where I am at this point in my life and reflect on what true alone time really means. 

I have time alone, but the way I use it it often leaves me outside of my own head. I often frequent lunch spots alone, but mostly those moments find me enveloped in a world on paper- nestled between the pages of a book, cozy in someone else's story. Time to walk with only my thoughts to fill my head was almost surreal. Surreal, but needed. 

So I dare you to date yourself!

Married, single, dating, kids, no kids... wherever you find yourself in life, date yourself! Get to know the you now. I doubt she is the same you as 6 months ago or maybe even the same you as yesterday. I plan to continue dating myself. Just maybe not at the Magic Kingdom. While great, the getting there was a little more complicated than I wanted. But Epcot! I will date myself at Epcot. Explore my way around the "world", while I explore the one inside my head. I am excited, I am scared and I am intrigued. I am intrigued to see where these dates may lead! 

If you took yourself on a date where would be the first place you would want to go? 

Coming Back

I sit, and the days go by, folding in on each other like pages of a book that is just slightly over descriptive, that you find yourself reading over too much.  It is in the read over, in the skimming, that you realized you missed some crucial point hidden in all the clutter. So you go back to move forward, you go back to find the point where you missed the message and you carry on from there.  That is what today feels like, that is what this weekend felt like. The picking up and the carrying on. Excitement felt freeing. Hearing Babe tell me "You are such a big kid sometimes" was light, but what came after, that part was heavy. "You haven't acted like that in a while." There was no mocking in his tone, I could only hear longing. Longing and hope. Hope that it would stick. And after the sad taste of swallowing all the moments in which I thought I had done a good job of "being" excited, I felt it too, that hope. And so I'm going back and I am hoping that person, the one that has simply been trying to get from one moment to the next is not gone, because she was needed, but that she has found room for "the other one".  The one who hunts alligators and finds freedom in the little moments of stolen splendor, who does life and doesn't let life do her.  I want to read each page. The fast paced ones where you are clinging to each word and the descriptive ones too; the ones that hold the beauty and the heartache and the pain and the freedom and the redemption. I want to soak it all in and live on each moment that life brings. 

And so I have decided to come back, back to this world that I so enjoyed during the brief time that I was here. I may not be here often and it may be sporadic but I enjoyed this space and I feel like I have words now, words that couldn't seem to find their way to the surface for a while. And I may be coming back to myself, because no one may have even realized I hadn't been by this little space and there may not be many who will read this, and that's ok beccause coming back to myself may really be what I need most of all.

***This was written quite a few weeks ago and the coming back has been a process, but for some reason today just felt like the right day! 
Below is the day in reference and it (and many more sense) have been good, GOOD days! And good in the sense that even the tough parts have been soaked in. So if you are reading this, I am sorry for the hiatus and I am so very glad to be back! 

I Want Her Back

I am linking up today with day ten's prompt for Blogtember.  Originally I had planned to make this a love letter to people. To all the people who made my family feel so cared for in these past months.  I went to type weeks but realize it has been much longer than that.  Time has seemed to have a warped sense of reality for me lately, it flies and yet goes so slow all at once.  I still plan to write that post about people (I have been meaning to for sometime now) but ever since posting the self portraits I have not been able to think about anything but that girl, the one in the picture.  I want her back. I want the girl pictured above back. And so I write this letter for her, I write this letter for me.

Dear Girl,
I love you! I am sorry it took me losing you to realize just how much.  I wish you hadn't gone away.  I miss your smile.  I miss the way it not only showed up on your face, but the way you felt it deep down in your soul. I pray that you will be back soon.

Your utter joy with the world astounds me.  You struggled, yet there was always something in you that sought the best.  I loved the way you said that everything would be ok and that you truly believed it.  I am sorry if that is not the case anymore.  I loved your optimism and your zest for life.  I miss your ability to believe that everything is not only going to be ok, but that it is going to be great.  I apologize that you now view life without that filter.  I am sorry that you now believe that life sometimes just is what it is. If I could give those feelings back to you I would.  Maybe we can find them together. But for that to happen I need to see you.  I need to feel you.  I need to know that there is a part of you that is still with me.

I want you back.  I want you to sing along to the radio at the top of your lungs, not to drown out the emptiness you are feeling, but because you find joy in singing along to a song that means something (or that just has an awesome tune).  I want you to watch a movie, or some corny reality tv show, and get crazy because it was a horrible ending that you had called all along but hoped you were wrong about.  I want you to be able to remember the movie days later because it was something you actually watched and not just some screen you stared at to pass the time.  I want your fight back!! I want you to get mad, I want you to have something mean so much that you have a reason to argue with someone! I want your sass back! I want you to care about the little things that drove you into a tizzy.  I want you to get upset when there are no garbanzo beans for your salad or when you realize you are out of Mt. Dew for popcorn night and the popcorn is already popped.  I want you to act like it is going to ruin your whole evening unless you have that Mt. Dew and pout so that Babe will go to the corner store and come back with five in hand (either because he loves you just that much or because he doesn't want to hear you gripe. I love how you always chose to believe the first even though you knew most of it was the latter).

I want to say thank you for holding on.  I want to say thank you for showing up and trying to make your face match what it always had. I thank you for the energy you left behind; it has helped to keep my feet moving and my body get out of bed.  I thank you for continuing to know that even though the picture may be a little different now, that you still look to a source higher than yourself and know that someday things will be better, that it just may not happen here on this earth.  I wish you continued to believe that would happen this side of heaven. But God did not promise us that we would not struggle, he did not promise us that we would not fall; thank you for continuing to hold on to the fact that He will catch you when you do.  Thank you for knowing enough of this world to know that there will be happy, blissful, wonderful moments. Please remind me, if you can, that they are all around me if I just look closely.

I just want you to know that I will fight for you.  I want you to know that though it may not seem like it right now I am looking for you.  I vow to not let you go forever, I wish we hadn't needed to take a break. You are amazing, you shine and you love so wholeheartedly that it often hurts.  Don't ever lose that!

Until we are one again,
Yours,
Melanie

A Self Portrait Inside and Out

I am counting today's post as a 2-for-1! I found it fittitng for the self-portraits to got right along
with the personality test. There has always been something about these photos that I have
loved (even though they are a tad old). Maybe because I find them so me? 

I'm posting... and it's not a Saturday.  Saturday's post got started but never happened.  On Saturday I planned to take this fun personality test for Blogtember, which I did. And then I planned to post the results, which I didn't.  So here they finally are.  

I am an ENFJ. And here is some of what the results said (most of them are pretty fitting)... 

"ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are. (Yes, this I know is very true. I enable, but I have learned to see if in a different light.) 

ENFJs are global learners. They see the big picture. The ENFJs focus is expansive. Some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously. (The new j-o-bs are teaching me how very true this can be) Many ENFJs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability. 

ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization (ummm? Organization?) and decisiveness. But they don't resemble the SJs or even the NTJs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance. ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs (oh, makes a little more sense now). Their offices may or may not be cluttered (cluttered, definitely cluttered), but their conclusions - reached through feelings- about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient than those of their NFP counterparts.

ENFJs know and appreciate people (people have been my saving grace in many ways lately). Like most NFs, and Feelers in general, they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people (Oh heck! Not sure how fitting I find this but I guess my trust in people has been known to hurt me in the past). ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear."

There was a little more information given but I thought the first main portion was the most fitting. It was interesting to me to see certain things in a different way.  When it first said organized I figured something had to be wrong. When I kept reading though and understood what was being said, I realized how fitting it was and was also quite proud to thing of myself as an organized person (even if it is only internally).  

I also found it fun that Oprah was also an ENFJ (I love me some Oprah)! And based on the match up  that Jenni found, Dumbledore would also be an ENFJ. That he was my match was a little surprising, but rocked my Harry Potter loving socks! 

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." Smart man that Dumbledore!

You Make Me Who I Am

Jenni's first prompt for Blogtember was Describe where or what you come from. The people, the places, and/or the factors that make up who you are.

And for me, it just so happened that, I already had something in the works. One of those posts I had started and never finished. I figured today was the best moment try to give it a shot... The people in my life have shaped and molded me, this most recent time in my life is shaping me even more. I come from a family that loves and loves hard. But I also come from a family that is its own concoction of dysfunction. Which all families seem to be in some way or another. This is all a part of mine. 

I am and I am not...

I am the sister of an addict, but I am not.

I am not the sister of an addict because there is no addiction in heaven.

I will always be the sister of an addict because that is what I was taught to be.

I am the sister of a boy; a boy whose struggle was often greater than his resolve.

I am the sister of a boy; a boy whose light shone so brightly that his story will continue on.

I am the sister of a man; a man who learned what it meant to work for something he was proud of.

I am the sister of a man; a man who gave the best he could in order to love his little girl.

I am the sister of a girl; a girl who was not born into but brought into our family, yet loved the same.

I am the sister of a girl; a girl who should not have had to go through the life she has led.

I am the sister of a girl; a girl who too quickly had to learn what it meant to be a woman.

I am the sister of a woman; a woman who stands strong and holds her world in her heart.

I am the sister of a woman; a woman who is working hard to be everything her daughter needs.

I am the sister of a boy; a boy who struggled to find his own way and his own place to shine in the wake of his older brothers choices. 

I am the sister of a man; a man who found that place and who is standing stronger than I had ever imagined humanly possible. 

I am the sister of a man; a man who is working hard to step up to the plate and who has forged ahead despite life's struggles. 

I am the sister of a girl; the sister of a girl who knows all too well what loss looks like. 

I am the sister of a woman; the sister of a woman who stands strong and carries on for herself and for those she loves.

I am the daughter; the daughter of parents who had to lose a child before any parent ever should. 

I am the daughter; the daughter of two people who are working on themselves just as their children are and that is a beautiful thing.  

I am the sister to brothers who have gone to war; one who chose to serve our country and one who fought a war within himself long before any of us ever knew. 

I am me. I am a people pleaser, some days it can be my greatest attribute and some days it is my Achilles heel. 

I am me. I am a product of the life I have led, of the people I have loved, of the people I have lost and of the future I am working hard to keep on track. 

I am a wife; a wife who is trying to be the person she needs for the man who has never once faltered, to the man who has put his own wishes aside to stand by her. And I will be better.

I am a friend; a friend to some of the best people any lifetime could ever ask for. A friend to people who have shown up, help me up, and kept me going. 

Everywhere I have been, everyone I have met, every factor of every part of my past has brought me to this place and helped shape who I am and it is those factors that will lead me on from here, one day at a time. 

Everything above is part of me. There may be parts that are harder for me to look at but they all make me who I am. I am learning to accept that. I am learning to accept that the dark parts just make the brighter parts shine that much more. Yet, it is all just a part, because to sum up everything that us brought us to where we are would take us until the end of our days. 

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And on that note, I am going to end with this prompt, just because my brain feels like ending things a little more sunshiney. If you could take three months off from your current life and do anything in the world, what would you do? 

This one was pretty easy too, because just the other day I sent Babe a text that said... "Let's just be like Minnie and Mickey, move into Disney and forget the outside world." Typically he would respond with some, "you are crazy" type thing and I would be left to roll my eyes. But this time he responded with "I wish." So, I decided that was making progress and maybe I could make it happen someday. Anyways... I would totally do that. I would move into Disney for a month. Right into the castle. Live there and frolic in all of the "forget the world" Disney glory. Then, I would rent an RV and road trip the USA for the next two.  I know it isn't some big, grand, fantastical sounding plan. But it's mine and it's simple and right now simple is right where I would like to be.