My Peace for the Soul Place

It's Wednesday and I am about to get all kinds of Whatever Wednesday up in here because I am going to start with today's topic and transition into Tennessee. Alrighty people?! This is mainly due to the fact that my response to today's topic is going to be short and sweet (somewhat). 

The lovely Whatever Wednesday gals, Shay and Alissa, would like for me to discuss my first kiss with you, but considering I talked about it in last weeks Whatever Wednesday post, you can read it in more detail there or just take it like this...  I don't really remember, ok?! Probably something one should remember, I know! I could be all sly and just say my dad, but technically it could have been my mom (I guess I could ask which one kissed me first if I wanted to, but nah!). I could also say that I think my first "official" one was in fourth grade in the fort part of our playground in the backyard. However, 1.) I do not know if that is completely correct and 2.) I may only be remembering it because it is the one my brother remembers and often reminds me of. Prime example I was setting for my younger siblings! Except I think John Wayne had probably already had his first one long before that point and I also think it may have taken place because he dared us. Who knows?! Not me! Maybe my brother can tell you. 
Anyways... I do know who my last one was with. And where! It was to Babe, in the shining state of Tennessee (ok, so really it was here at home, last night before going to bed. But Tennessee is a happier setting and also useful for the following) and that is how we will move into the rest of this post.  

I am not sure if my soul was meant to be raised for city living.  I think it belongs somewhere in the likes of Tennessee with a decent mix of country living and the suburbs. More of your small town feel, if you will! Most days I know that Florida is my home and that I belong here but some moments, I find myself longing for a different place, a different way of life. A place where things move at a slower pace and life doesn't seem to make people so flustered. My heart literally seems to sing when I am in Tennessee. It is at peace and my world is calm. I am on vacation but I also feel as if living there would make me slow a little bit and take in more around me. We were coming off the boat after a day on the water and joking with some of the neighbors about what goes on in their "little" cove (they were joking about all the craziness but...). And that is when I referred to it as "a little slice of heaven" and not a single one of them disagreed. They have a corner of the world that still seems untouched by the outside. Where you know your neighbors (heck you know everyone on the almost 30,000 acre lake) and where you all have each others backs. The kind of place where you can leave your doors unlocked while boating and not fear coming home to absolutely nothing, mainly because those who may even think of coming in "uninvited" also know you have an extensive gun collection. It is the type of place where all are welcomed and where setting an extra place at dinner because someone swung by for a glass of sweet tea is never even thought twice about (just pull up a seat). It's this magical land where the beer cooler always seems full, yet people's hands are never empty. Where the sun doesn't seem to burn as harshly and where the water is perfect for bobbing. Children are respectful because they have been taught how you treat others and the world is less 'dog-eat-dog' and more about 'help-a-brother-out' and 'roll-with-the-punches'. It's a place where you don't have to worry too much about people gossiping about you because what they may say about you, they will also say to you and it's never really in a harsh, judgemental way. It's more so a way of acknowledging that we all have our "stuff" and we may as well put it on the table. I am not sure what it is about all of it that sounds so appealing to me, but I could very well plant myself on a piece of land up there, settle in and never leave. 

 Going, going, gone.

Alas, my home is here and while some part of me may long for more land and a quieter, slower pace I do love my life in the sunny state of Florida and I would miss my people (most of them anyways ;) ). If I could bundle it up and take it all with me then I would, but then... I don't know if it would so calm anymore. 

Where's your place? Where do you find peace?

High Five for Monday

Sooo... it may be Monday, but I have been out of town, out of touch with technology and in the midst of all that is right in the world.  Now, it is back to reality and though the Five on Friday is supposed to take place on, well, Friday I figured I would (in pure Melanie fashion) jump on the bandwagon a bit late.

Here are five things I am loving lately

1.) Tennessee!!

 It is my place. It is the place I think my soul belongs. More on that later. Until then just know it is something somewhere that I am really, REALLY, REALLY loving! Which is why it is also number...

2.) TENNESSEE!!

Even the storms seem better in Tennessee. It was less like a horrible, Florida flood and more like this incredible, peaceful light show that we got to enjoy from the confines of a wrap around back porch while the storm took place right across the lake behind the mountains leading into Kentucky. 

3.) This book

I have read this book already but our 12 hour road trip consisted of dramatic readings. Babe is still working his way through it after reading Divergent and while he is not a reader he has managed to get immersed in some of the books I love (which I love him for). Due to school he has not really been able to pick it up since our cruise in January. Most car trips consist of at least some dramatic reading periods by me while he drives. This trip we actually made it through almost 250 pages. I have forgotten a good bit of what happens and so now we will be reading this book aloud together so I can finish it with him.  If you are looking for a new book series and have not read this one I seriously recommend it! It is right up there with Hunger Games for me. However, I would wait until at least September to start (depending on how quick a reader you are). The third and final book does not come out until October (which I was unaware of when I first picked up the series before out last cruise).

4.) This movie

Fe, fi, fo, fum... you should watch it, is is fun!

We just watched it and my expectations were somewhat low. I had wanted a movie that I didn't think would require much thought and gave Babe three choices. He chose Jack over Despicable Me and Keeping Score (both of which I still want to see). I thought this movie was great! A little icky at parts (the giants were somewhat disgusting) but overall a really cute story! And though most of it was somewhat predictable to me (there is not many a movie or tv show that can stump, I always call the ending) there were parts that I was off about, which I deem like worthy in my book any day. It was kind of Narnian-esque in the filming. One scene looked exactly like the scene when the White Witch comes to discuss the terms of payment for Edmund's treachery.

5.) Skype

While in Tennessee I got the first chance to Skype with my bro, who is currently serving in Afghanistan. Tears ensued, but it was so great to see his face and hear his voice. Well, kind of. One thing about the lake is that there is not very good wi-fi reception. This is great for the most part because I leave all cares behind. Yet, it's not so great when trying to Skype all the way across the world. It was hard to see him but it was perfection either way. He got a chance to see all the Tennessee crowd too, which was nice! 

What five things are you loving this week? 

A First Time For Everything

Just swinging in for the 'Whatever Wednesday' post that these great ladies have thought up! Thanks Shay and Alissa for the idea! 

I am not super great with the whole memory thing. I can't remember dates or time or tell you many specifics. Feelings and moments though?! I can give you some of those. Today's topic for this wonderful non-link up, link up that I am jumping in on is about firsts... Dun dun dun! 

My mind was going in many different directions... milestones, interviewing my mother about my first words (she's a tad busy trying to get out of town), first memories. Then I thought why not go through my list of "first" boy moments (Disclaimer: Babe if you are reading this you are welcome to stop now). I was a tad bit "boy" minded when I was a young soul (bless that child). My old soul has it's moments. I sometimes live vicariously through The Bachelorette as to who I would pick and why. It's sad I know, the show in general and the fact that I get such pleasure out of the drama. Any who, here we go!

My first "love" 

That one is simple. That would be my Daddy! 

My first kiss

Oh heavens. Who even knows?! My mom tells me I had a little kissing buddy in preschool. I can still remember one that was in the fort part of our playground when I was in elementary school. There were a few of the neighbor boys too. One who reminded me not too long ago when we were out with mutual friends. *Clapping hand to head now! Child, where were your parents?! Just kidding Mom!

My first "wedding"

So I think I may have like three different husbands. I am pretty sure I "married" my little preschool best friend in his backyard one day so that we could play house in his really cool tree house that had a zip line. Then I "married" one of my neighborhood friends. His brother officiated and all our neighbors were in attendance. He wasn't strong enough to carry me back down the aisle sidewalk so his older brother filled in for that part. 

My first official "gift" from a boyfriend 

*I use the term boyfriend lightly because I am not sure if elementary school should really count

That would be a pet snake - yes, snake - that he found and put into a plastic juice pitcher. He jumped the school fence to get it for me from the woods behind our school. This is the same snake that I named after one of my elementary school besties and the same snake that escaped its cage a few weeks after I brought it home. My Mimi was never fond of me having the snake so when she was over one night my parents told her that we gave it back, instead of telling her it was lost somewhere in our house. After finding it curled up in a potted plant one night, Becky, was taken to a pet store because we couldn't tell Mimi that the snake had just miraculously reappeared. 

My first "date" with the first boy who I had fallen pretty hard for 

Oh this night! This was my first high school 'I think I am head-over-heels' crush (turned relationship). He was a senior to my freshman. He wanted to take me on a date. Daddy did not agree with him. At least, wouldn't until he had met him. This boy happened to not live too far from my house, a two minute car ride maybe. The big plan? For my father and I to go on a run with him... A run! If you have read any previous posts you might know that I do NOT run. Anywhere! But I was young and smitten and so like many a girl in my circumstance would do, I laced up my sneakers. I tried to keep up, I really did. I made it maybe a block when it became one of those walk/ jog/ intermittent running things. We ran to a nearby park; the boy, my dad and me. My dad asked him all kinds of questions and they did most of the talking considering I was trying my best to breathe, run and at the same time not sweat too much. Then on the way back to my house we walked, the boy and me, while my dad did a cool down jog up ahead (just a ways). As a freshman girl I was slightly mortified, but I dealt. As a future parent (someday), you can bet on Babe being right there at the door ready to run down with any of his daughters potential suitors. 

My first heartbreak

Heartbreaks are tough. It doesn't matter if it's happening to you or you know you are causing it. It burns. The main one that sticks in my memory would have come from the one who takes part in the story above. It was a long story that is best chalked up to immaturity on both parts.  The first time I felt I dealt one was just as tough in many ways as being the recipient. It broke my heart to think I was breaking someone else's. Sometimes I think that whole courtship idea and not getting to emotionally attached to someone until you're ready for the whole marriage thing seems like a good idea. But try telling that to any person who thinks that they've already found it (even young naive freshman who think the whole world works like a high school love story). 

The first time I understood "love"

Each step in my life, each person that came before, taught me something different about what love is and isn't. In recent years I have not been hugely fond of the word love. For me it implies the love that we read about in fairy tales. The only name that fits for me with any clarity for what love looks like is Babe (and God and my daddy and now knowing what it means to love the little people I sometimes claim as mine, though those loves are slightly different). Babe teaches me everyday the true meaning of the word and the selflessness that is involved in being with someone completely. Love is about commitment. It really is about weathering the good and the bad together, especially when sometimes the only thing in sight is stormy seas. When it's right and it's yours and you know it was built to last you hold on, you cherish it and you work at it.

Ok so now that this post went from slightly funny to serious in the matter of paragraphs we are going to consider this a true 'Whatever Wednesday' post and say, see ya on the flip side. Excited to read through some of the other lovely posts as I road trip it to Tennessee! Yay for my first summer getaway!

How about y'all, any summer vaca plans? 

Any of you guys out there "married" to multiple people?! 

You know because those two questions totally go hand in hand...not! 

Lazy Days

I am sitting here being lazy and knowing that I should probably move my behind, however, since I figured I would not find the motivation to do that at this exact moment I figured it was a good enough time to catch up on blogging. I was reading through some blogs and stumbled across the Sunday Currently with Lauren while I was reading posts from the wonderful Ashley. Today is actually Saturday but I figured what the heck? This seems fun and light-hearted for my lazy day and given that I am prone to breaking rules on occasion I decided I would go ahead and jump the gun.

So here is what I am doing on this Sunday Saturday Currently...

Reading: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets... for probably the 5th time. And loving it! Dobby melts my heart. How can you not love a soul so kind?!

Writing: This post and one about my daddy for tomorrow.  I love that man!! Happy Father's Day to all of the wonderful daddies out there.

Listening: To Hoarders: Buried Alive and Dead at 17. Yes, I am a channel flipper. I do not watch me any commercials... ick!

Thinking: About how absurd tv can be and how I should probably move from this couch and get motivated on getting stuff done, but I am just exhausted and the mind-numbingness is quite nice right now.

Smelling: Nada... I would like to be smelling some popcorn popping though.  I could totally go for a movie night right about now.

Wishing: That my coffee table worked like the house tables at Hogwarts and that food would just magically appear from the invisible kitchen that I am sure is right below my floor. I be hungry, but have no motivation to make anything. Man, I am really working it today. Please don't judge my laziness! Or my decision to use improper grammar.

Hoping: For sunshine tomorrow so that we can enjoy the day outside with my dad!

Wearing: Cut off sweats and a hoodie, I be scrubbin' and loungin'!

Loving: The fact that I leave for Tennessee in just three short days! I could not be more excited!

Wanting: See smelling...

Needing: To get off this couch, shower and get moving. But... I feel like that is just not going to be happening.

Feeling: Exhausted!

Clicking: Back and forth between channels when the commercials come on.

Hope everyone is enjoying their Saturday currently!
Anyone else having a lazy day like me?

Disney Dreams and Ugly Crys

Day 31 people! We made it!! This challenge was definitely an undertaking. It was a crash course for me in the world of blogging but I have enjoyed it.  It challenged me, opened me and brought me to many great new reads. I have loved following along with so many of you. 

Today we are to share a vivid memory and as I look back through my memory bank I realize that a lot of my big moments get somewhat blurry. I have flashes of vivid moments, some I will always cherish and some that I would rather forget, but for the most part some of the memories get hazy.  My wedding day? A blur! Those moments that have shaped and transformed me seem to have this filter through with which I view them. I think that trying to process all of my surroundings in so many of those moments just became to much for my brain to process and so it compartmentalized them. I can remember a lot of great things about that day but trying to piece it altogether was a process. It if for reasons such as those that I will be forever grateful for cameras. They capture memories and allow us to revisit them in all their vivid glory.  

One day in particular that, while it has its hazy moments too, is most vivid for me would be the day we got engaged. I remember that morning waking up at Animal Kingdom Lodge and knowing yet not knowing at the same time what this day could bring.  I was a wreck of nerves.  It had always been my dream to get engaged at the Magic Kingdom and given the fake out the night before I was assuming this might be the big day. I remember dressing down not wanting to anticipate anything (which in hindsight was dumb dumb because I was a hot and sweaty messy in that shirt but oh well) and leaving the hotel.  We rode the bus to meet my mom at the park so that she could let us in (special pass that only she and my dad can use). She walked halfway down Main Street with us, hugged us both and left (though she didn't want to) and we continued on towards the castle.  And that is when the following began... 

There had been a Photopass man there waiting and called us over to him to ask if we wanted a picture. And then the words began, those I can't really remember but I am sure you can get the gist. All I knew was I have a sweater tied around my waist. My mind says, "you can not have a sweater wrapped around your waist in these pictures!" so I logically untied it a threw it off.  Duh! Because that is so the thought process for a moment like this. 

For some reason I could not unclasp my hands from behind my back. Finally, they decided to unlatch and cooperate so that he could slip the ring onto my finger.  I guess I said yes, that part is kind of blurry. 

At some point I kissed him and there were fireworks. The timing was not planned it was just one of those things. They were part of the show going on at the castle. Those were followed by a street celebration in which they asked any newlyweds or newly engaged couples to come out and dance in the streets. So I did! 

Then we called my mom who came right back. She had wanted to stay and watch because she had her suspicions too but didn't know how to ask Babe if she could stay without me knowing. The following hugs and tears ensued. 

And then I talked to my daddy and that is when the above ugly cry came about. He had known as Andrew had made sure to ask his permission and so we are both crying on the phone.  My mom had not known that he knew, see it is kind of hard to tell her things and still have them stay secrets. 

Then we took some pics and celebrated with this little schemer who was a part of the whole plot.  This is January! She was hiding in the bushes snapping all these pictures and had been waiting for us to show up for two hours.  She is the one who got the Disney Photopass man in on the scheme. 

We then enjoyed our day as a newly engaged couple and sealed the deal with a 'blessing of the rings' from Mickey and Minnie themselves! It was all in all a perfect day and a fabulous memory. Babe had done himself - and my Disney loving heart - good! 

And now I sign off in hopes of seeing many of you on Monday because I will be resting my weary fingers this weekend! Thanks for sticking with me! 

Trait-or!

Day 24 of the challenge and I am cringing again! Oh man, my three worst traits? Well, if I must! 

Babe would probably consider my inability to stop taking pictures one of them, notice the expression?! I love playing around with my iPhone camera on car trips because I am still learning how to use this dang thing!! 

I started this morning by asking Babe what he considered my three worst traits.  I knew his first one before he spoke it but since I already talked about sucking at life laundry and cleaning I won't even count that one.  But just a side note, he is currently cleaning the kitchen while I type this because I am a tad behind on catching up with this challenge and emails. Bless him! I did clean my car out this morning though (because you totally wanted to know all that, right?!) Points for me!

His second was my inability to handle change and since I have talked about that in almost every post this challenge I think I will leave that one alone too.  So he lost, he gets no say in my three worst (spoken of today) traits.

Instead I will start with one from my person.  I am not sure if she would say this is my worst one (I will ask her when I see her in a bit) but I know it is one that drives her crazy on occasion. I can't just say things! You see Wally is blunt; like very.  She knows this, she embraces it! Me? I am the exact opposite; I try to embrace it.  I will talk around something for hours and then say, "you know what I mean?" and make her tell me what it is I have been trying to say. Which for the most part she does but sometimes she is just like, "get to the point.  Just say it already!!" I do that when I am nervous, I do it when I tell a story (I can tell some long-winded stories) and I -really!!- do it when I am trying to say something that I am not sure if the words will come out right and I don't want to say the wrong thing and offend/ hurt someone.  I do not like stirring the waters!!  So if these posts ever seem long-winded and don't make much sense (kind of like this paragraph), well, imagine me biting my lip in nervous anticipation ("you know what I mean?!").

Number two would be one I have dubbed myself because it is the one that leaves me hurt the most. I am learning to realize that I am trusting to a fault. I used to think being so trusting was a good thing.  While I still err on the side of believing it is, there are moments where it really trips me up. I used to live with a double pair of rose colored glasses on. The world has made me take off one pair permanently and sometimes I have to put the other pair on the top of my head so that I can see things clearly. It was a hard lesson to learn that some of the people you love the most and are so loyal too just aren't going to be the same for you in return. It stings, it burns and for a while it made me somewhat bitter.  It makes me think it is all me, that I am not worth being loyal too.  I know that is not really the truth, but it just seems that way. The hardest thing is feeling used and knowing that when people were getting something out of you they loved having you around, but that as soon as there was not much more you could give them then they became more like mere acquaintances. I have started to see this as just differences in people, in personalities, not in a bad way but just as the way things are and that is OK. I just have to learn to trust with eyes wide open.

I am also horribly indecisive (my sister reminded me of this one).  This is why you now (kind of) have five worst Melanie traits instead of just three.  It is also why I can never pick where to go to dinner. Please just make the decision for me! I am truly a waiters worst nightmare.  "So which do you think is better? Can I get it with this instead of that?" Then half the time once I have made up my mind I realize I really wanted to other choice and Babe runs them down before they put the order in.  I am sorry (I promise I tip accordingly)! This is not just a food related issue (I spend hours upon hours at Redbox)! It is a life issue! Gah, make up your mind girl!

So now that I have shared some of the nitty gritty and based on reading this back possibly confused the heck out of some of you because I don't think this made much sense, I hope if you are reading this that you have a had a beautiful week.  

Now that we have shared some of our worst traits, think about your three best? Which list seemed easier to come up with?!

Disney Dreams and Runaways

It's Day 18 and we are to share a vivid childhood memory.  There are quite a few I can think of and for the most part they are good and blissful and filled with childhood wonder.  The following story is in no way a direct reflection of any of that.  Instead you will read a tale of a runway, an interstate, and the police.  You have been warned! And no the reason for running away had nothing to do with the fact that my mother decided to dress me as her twin in the above picture. Bless the dear daughter that I will probably end up doing the same to as some point in time.

This is a story that has been told time and time again.  By me, by my parents, by pretty much anyone who has heard it to anyone who hasn't.  The story has not changed once in all it's many years.  It needs no embellishment.  You see as a young child I had a flair for the dramatic.  I tended to run away on occasion when I felt as if my poor soul had been violated.  This is the beginning of all of that (or at least the beginning of me running away to some place outside the neighborhood).

The scene starts like this: I was right around 8 years old.  I had this neat bicycle with pink and purple glitter writing.  My older sister was staying with us for the weekend (she lived with her mom during the week) and I idolized her.  I can't remember everything leading up to it but she called me a rat or something of the sort and I thought that she liked my friend more than me (because my friend was just kind of cooler and a lot more like my sister) and so I was upset.  I got on my bike and decided that I was moving to Disney.  I knew the general direction and so off I set.  Me, my 8 year old self, and my bicycle.

En route to Disney I passed a neighbor as I was leaving the neighborhood and told him where I was headed.  He seemed to have no intention of stopping me as he assumed - I'm sure - that I was just some kid playing pretend.  Crisis averted, it was meant to be that I should live at Disney.  I took the long way around (by mistake) because I went down a one way exit from the airport going to opposite direction (yup, riding against the flow of traffic).  After about an hour I finally arrived at the Bee Line (now called the Beach Line) that takes you towards the beaches or Disney (even at 8 I knew how to make my way to the land of magic and happiness).  However, the Bee Line is a toll road highway.  I 1.) did not have change to pay the toll and 2.) did not know if they would allow me to pass through on my bike.  So, as any 8 year old would do, I stopped my bike on the side of the highway to try to figure out how I would solve this problem.

As my young brain is processing this dilemma, the following occurred.  My mom has realized I am missing and called the police.  An off duty cop who was taking his step-son home saw a young kid on the side of a highway and thought, "hmmm, maybe I should see what is going on." Said cop (really nice guy), in his uniform, pulls over and comes to talk to me.  He asks me what I am doing.  Oh man, now I have to process quickly.  So I tell him that I am just out for a bike ride and I live in the apartments that are right off the entrance to the highway (good gracious was I stubborn and persistent; I just freaking lied to the Popo).  He says that I should not be on the highway and to wait where I was.  This side of the story I know from my mother.  Cop gets on his cop radio and calls into dispatch, who is still on the phone with my mom, he relays that there is a young girl on the highway at least an hours bike ride from our house (my mom didn't know I had been gone so long). The dispatcher tells this information to my mom who answers "oh there is no way that could be her." She was wrong! After a detailed description of the child and the bike my mother realizes that her child is on a highway.  I am then loaded into the car with the cop, who offered to take me home (a ten minute drive), and his step-son. And that pretty much sums up my daring escape to the land of happiness.  In hindsight it is a fun story to tell, but let's pray my future daughter has less of my tendencies and more of her fathers.  

Needless to say I didn't really go anywhere for a while... until the next time I ran away, this time at night and with my younger brother, when we had our Gameboys taken away.  How I am still alive to tell this tale I have no clue but thank the heavens above that I was found by the right people.
What about y'all? Any other fellow runaway aficionados out there? 

Freezing Moments

It's Day 17 and Jenni is really not doing this indecisive girl any favors.  I have quite a few favorite pictures; I like them all really.  And no, this is not in a "toot-my-own-horn, I-think-I-am-a-looker" type of way.  Pictures to me signify memories.  Some of my favorite pictures are ones that I look horrible in but I love them because the memory behind them and knowing how I felt the moment the picture was snapped means so much more than whatever type of mess I might look like (like when I shared this memory).  So you get two pictures for today and can expect to see the rest of the ones I came across while hunting for these in day 28's post. 

The moment I saw this picture I was in love with it.  I know you can't see my face and no it is not just me.  Typically my favorite pictures never include just me, they always include some of my people and having my little people in them is just icing on the cake.  I love my little people.  It is so crazy to believe how much he has grown since this day. 

There is one that includes just me that, while not the best picture of me, pretty much sums up the feelings of my wedding morning for me and stops me every time I see it (it's also just pretty me in general).  I was anxious and curious. I wanted to see Babe before he saw me, I wanted to see how and where people were sitting and I wanted to know what I could expect to find out those back doors before I even thought of venturing out into what would be the rest of my life.  

* Photos courtesy of Nu Visions in Photography

I really enjoyed going through old photos as I made sure these were the ones I wanted to post.  I can't wait to see everyone else's.  

No, I can't! Sorry

Day 3 of Jenni's Challenge was things that make us uncomfortable and I think I will start my list of things that make me uncomfortable with this post right here.  I don't like discussing things that make me uncomfortable because, well, they make me uncomfortable (I don't like being uncomfortable).  Starting this blog actually made me a little uncomfortable because I do not like the fear of rejection and I won't lie, I do 'sometimes' care about acceptance and what others think.  My first few blog posts took me ages to actually publish because I literally ennie-meenied over them and if they were "ready".  I have since embraced the publish button and am quite content, even if I am my only follower.  I started this blog as a way to write and share my thoughts and even if it is simply an online journal I will be content in that because it is making me happy and helping me clear my head.

The following are other things that make me cringe:

- Saying no: I suck at saying no, even to things I really don't want to do.  It can make me feel guilty and anxious and I talk in circle trying to explain why I can't do something, be somewhere, help someone.  I think it's the whole fear of rejection thing.  Most of the time I just end up saying, yeah why not?! For reals, it's kind of an issue; along with making a decision.  That goes hand in hand with the discomfort I feel when saying no.  Be an adult, lady! Make a decision. Say no! No, no, no, no, no! See? I can do it.  Ok, now my palms are sweating. 

- Large crowds: Which is a somewhat ironic and new discovery but I have realized large crowds give me the willies.  I LOVE people, I enjoy parties and the occasional night out but get me into an unknown situation with large crowds of people and I have a slight freak out.  For example, don't catch me in a parade in the middle of NYC when I didn't even know there was going to be a parade.  This was when I discovered my discomfort with large crowds.  My reaction? Call my person (who was not in NYC with me) to bombard her with frantic "I'm freaking" nonsense and leave the rest of my group behind (Babe included) as I walked as quickly as I could through said parade trying to get to our destination which, by the way, was closed due to the parade! Oh man, the memories.  Who, in their rational mind, would leave their group behind in that situation? Oh, this girl! It wasn't one of those rationally minded moments.  

- International travel:  I don't know why but this has made me uncomfortable for a long time.  I am trying not to let it stop me from seeing the wonders of this world. 

       *Side-story: On a recent mission trip to Costa Rica, the three girls I was traveling with and myself, were to meet my friends brother at the airport (he heads a mission building wells in CR).  He would be waiting for us outside.  She informs that there would be a LARGE CROWD of people outside this INTERNATIONAL airport and we may not see him right away.  She said to just stick by her and it would be ok and not to freak if we got jostled, pushed etc.  I was in a little bit of a panic mode.  Well, we walked out of the airport and some of their security measures had been changed and the crowd was not as bad as her previous trip and we saw her brother right away.  I don't think I had ever been so glad to see her brother (or maybe anyone for that matter) in my life.  She laughed because I literally said an, "Oh, thank God, there's Blake" prayer as we walked out the doors.  

- Change: Blah, change!! It is a hard thing to feel uncomfortable about because it is unavoidable and happens often.  

- The unexpected: I think the majority of the above can be linked to this one major area that creates discomfort for me.  I think some people call it a fear.  I like to know what to expect!

And just for your enjoyment, if you would like instant cringe worthiness from me check this list
- The sound wet sand makes when you drag your fingers, toes, etc. through it
- Squirrels!! Those buggers FREAK me out.  I have been chased by one, stalked for food by two, and caught in the middle of a squirrel brawl at Sonny's, in which I knew it was only a matter of time before one jumped on my head in crazed attack mode.  That didn't happen, but tears did (the laughing/ freaking kind)
- Birds! Yes, birds.  These are almost as bad as Squirrels but not that bad.  Squirrels are freakin' tree ninjas!
Yes, feel free to think I am completely cray; sometimes I feel that way.  Good day! 

This is the Story of a Girl

Girl is born on December 18th, 1986.

Girl has a pretty idyllic childhood.  Runs wild and free, has her meals cooked, her clothes washed, her life pretty much taken care of.

Girl grows up a little quickly and tones down the rambunctious child when her family life takes a spin down a road called 'dealing with addiction'.  Girl tries not to wonder how her life would be different had her brother not dealt with those issues.

Girl meets boy! Girl thanks God for boy because boy has taught her so much.  Girl can't help but wonder how her life would be without boy; the picture doesn't look very pretty.  Boy has taught girl how to grow up and why, though at times it seems hard, it is important. Boy helped girl realize the need for self-control.  Girl has also learned quite a bit about the grace of God through boy.

Girl continues to grow-up.  Girl finishes first high-school, then college.  Girl nannies, teaches, goes back to nannying.  Girl is slowly becoming a woman.  Girl learns to pursue her passions.  Girl takes her hobby for photography to a new level.

Somewhere in the mix boy and girl get married, become husband and wife, buy a house, and work on building a life together.

Girl knows that everything along the way, the little moments and the big, make her who she is.  Girl is loving life as a young woman.  Girl is loving being content!

And this right here makes word 250!

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Ok, so I am usually not very precise when it comes to keeping to a word count and I didn't plan to be.  I knew if I was going to try to make the story of my life short I would have a take a different spin.  I didn't realize how close I would get.  When I finished with the "girl is loving being content" I was at 243 words (to my surprise).  I then figured lets get fun and make it exactly 250! Hence, that last sentence there.  I can usually be pretty long-winded, but thought I would spare you the nitty-gritty details.

Questioning Myself

I am joining Erin at Living in Yellow in answering the following questions.  Some of them were a little more difficult then others.  Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend!! 

1. If you could do one thing differently in your life, what would it be?

Not that long ago I would have said about the same answer as Erin's but I have realized that I hold on too much to what I could have done differently.  I am an over-thinker and a what-ifer and it was beginning to get in the way of my life.  So I have stopped (for the most part) asking myself that question.  Awhile back I had written the following... "If I had the chance to, I would go back and do it all over again, but this time, yes, I think I would do things differently. Is it possible to do that and still end up with the same future; still be right where you are?"  At times in my life I thought the answer to that question could be yes.  It can't be! If I had done anything differently I wouldn't be who I am, I probably wouldn't be married to the man I am married to (if married at all) and I wouldn't be in the place I am now.  I have learned to embrace that and be content with that and realize that there is a reason things happened as they did, because things are as they should be.  I think if I did have to pick one thing it would have been to have spent more time learning all that I could from my Mimi, because that would not have changed anything other than to make me a stronger woman and to give me more time cherishing her.  

2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Oh man! 5 years from now?  I see myself content (happy).  I see myself loving the life that has been given to me and learning how to embrace it.  I am thinking there may be kids in there somewhere (my own).  I am hoping that my photography will have flourished and grown and that I will still be blogging.  I am LOVING both and I am hoping that I don't give them up, because I can have a tendency to let life sidetrack me.  

3. Do you honestly want kids?

Yes (though not for a bit)! Things got a little iffy there for a while if I am being honest.  My entire life I have never not wanted children.  Having children was always my main focus and goal in life.  Last year was an interesting time and I had a slight 'freak-out, how-can-I-bring-kids-into-this-world' break from my own reality.  I think that time in my life was needed.  It has taught me that children (though they can be a large focus) can not consume my being.  They have to be apart of my being.  I have to live and let them live and still embrace life outside of my children on occasion (we will see if I actually hold true to this haha), otherwise I will not be doing them, myself, my husband, or those around me any favors.  Life is a balance and it all has to even out.  

4. What has been the best moment of your life so far?

I have had a lot of great moments.  It is hard to decide on one.  For now, I am going to go with this evening right here.  

This was one of my first dates with Babe (our first movie date if I remember and I love the movies) but it was also the day that my nephew was born.  I had rushed to the hospital from school and was there when he came into this world.  Seeing a baby come into this world is a miracle and this is the first one I had ever witnessed.  I loved that little soul from the first moment I saw him.  After visiting and pictures I rushed over to meet Babe and some friends at the movie.  There was so much hope that night, so much happiness.  I can still remember the feeling like it was yesterday.  

5. What is your life theme song?

Oh my?! I feel like I would need a theme song ensemble...  It would definitely include some country music (I'm thinking "My Life's Been a Country Song" or "Love Like Crazy"), the theme song from Friends, maybe some Casting Crowns, it's gotta have a little Tim McGraw thrown in there, and some Reba too.  I am also loving the new "This Ain't My Mama's Broken Heart" song by Miranda Lambert; that whole "run and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady" part ?! Yup, I think that's pretty fitting too.  I'm also going to add a little, "Don't worry, be happy" because I find myself singing that a lot.  Ok, I think I am done now.  

6. What is one thing you have yet to accomplish that you want to do before you die?

I want to learn how to truly let things go.  I want to embrace life and not worry about things that I have absolutely no control over (give my worries to God). I would like to stop thinking I have control over them.  And motherhood, I would like to know what is like to have a life growing inside me before I die. Oh, and I would like to see my name on the cover of a book.  The question said "more than one thing" right?! 

7. If you could choose one thing to be known for, what would it be?

Being good to those God gave me to love... Being a good mother, a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter, a good sister, etc. 

8. If you could do anything you wanted right in this very moment (no consequences, no fear, etc), what would it be?

Cruise, I would cruise!! Someone take me now please?! 

9. What has been the most challenging moment in your life?

A few months ago I probably would have said the past year up until a few months ago has been a pretty good size challenge for me.  I asked myself more questions than I ever thought I would and some came back with unknown answers. However, looking back, as challenging as some moments were I have learned so much and I think I am a stronger person woman for it.  I think if I had to pick one moment though it would be the death of my grandmother.  I did not cope well. Oh how I wish she had been around this past year.  Just the comfort of being with her would have been enough to calm some of the choppiest days.  

10. Summarize yourself in one word.

Me personally (or at least the way I see my life sometimes): Chaos... but beautiful chaos (and not the appearance kind) 

I found a quote not long ago that I felt summed me up pretty well, "She is a mess of gorgeous chaos and you can see it in her eyes." 

My life: Blessed, so blessed! 

*If this hasn't helped you realize it, I am also not a one word type of gal.  The whole just-one-word thing is very hard for me.