Moments and Memories

Since today's post from Jenni's challenge is supposed to be a moment in our day and since I am actually writing this in the past and not today because today is the future and I am off in some foreign land that Babe has whisked me off to as a surprise I am going to share a moment with you from a completely different day altogether.  Ok, did any of that make sense to you?! I don't know if it did to me.  Basically, since I am gone to some unknown destination this post was prewritten and scheduled.  I am hoping (as my past self writes this) that wherever I am as you read this I am embracing whatever unexpected place I may find myself.

Enjoy these pictures from a recent moment in one of our days... dinner with the May May (one of our nieces).

I realize I am not actually in any of these.  My moments in time typically take place behind the camera (or in this instance the iPhone). She melts my heart though and I have to capture that!

Am I Qualified for Giving Advice?

Tomorrow will be my first scheduled post ever.  I did not remember, when committing to this challenge, that I would be gone for 5 consecutive days.  I am hoping I get it right.  If not I shall return (hopefully) on Monday to post what I have missed.  In the meantime wish me luck as I embark into the brave unknown this morning.  Babe has planned a surprise trip for our anniversary!! 3 years today!!!

Today's challenge was advice for others. 
Advice for others?! I need advice for myself! So I think I will start there and maybe the advice for myself will work for you too?!
  Cherish life! Every minute of it, even the challenging ones.  Maybe especially the challenging ones.  Those are the teaching moments.  Learn something new everyday, even if it is only something small that you learn from the little moments.  Remember to tell the people you love how much you love them.  Care for people, even when it hurts.  Learn to understand that sometimes you have to let go of certain things, including people. Learn to realize the sometimes caring for the people you have been entrusted to love means setting boundaries, backing up and not doing everything you can to "help" the situation. That is not helping it is enabling.

Embrace everything about yourself; embrace the flaws and the areas where you fail.  Understand and come to terms with your past, tell it good-bye, thank it for what it taught you and move on to the present.  Try not to live in the future either.  You can look forward to the future, you can try to plan for it (though that whole tell God your plans and hear him laugh thing comes into play at least for me), but living in it robs today of it's beauty.

Just live! Breathe, embrace, take it all in and live.  Be content, yet always push yourself towards great things!

These moments, the little ones (like this day right here)... Cherish them!

Fearing Fear'

It's day 7 of Jenni's challenge and looking back I think I may have used some of the things for this post, things we are afraid of, in the post for things that make me uncomfortable. 

I think I kind of suck at being afraid of things because the things that scare me the most are things that are ultimately unavoidable.  They also aren't very tangible and therefore harder fears to destroy.  I love a scary movie.  I will scream as everything and love each scary moment at the same time.  I sometimes scream in kids movies (yes, I have been laughed at).  However, I know that after I scream the fear is gone; the scene changes.  I know that the movie is just a movie and I pretty much know walking into it what to expect (duh, I done seen the trailer).  What scares me the most are those unseen things; the "demons" that hide in the clear light of day.

I fear change and I fear the unknown.  I like knowing what to expect. I fear loss; of any kind really.  Death is, for me, the hardest form of loss; at least in earthly terms it's permanent. I would like to think if I was more prepared for it I wouldn't fear it so much but I was somewhat prepared for my Mimi's passing and that rocked me in a way that I have never been rocked before.  Loss outside of death scares me too though.  I fear losing friends.  I fear not having those relationships that I care so much about.  I fear that changes in lifestyle, in growing up, in timing will create valleys and trenches between me and the people I love.  I know that this is irrational.  I know that if the relationships are really as strong as I trust they are it won't matter.  I fear it anyways.  I fear loss even when it is something (or someone) I should probably let go of anyways. I still have no logical explanation for this and I am working on letting it go.  I fear letting things go, giving over control and letting someone else take the wheel. 

Sometimes, I fear myself.  This was a tough thing to learn. I fear the things I sometimes want (the above quote is one that I found not long ago that spoke to me on so many levels).  I fear my strength and my own ability to keep the people I love safe.  I fear the ability within myself to keep my life happy.  I believe that we are each given what we need to embrace our lives and make them happy ones. That belief scares me because in the end, if I mess everything up with choosing one path over another, I have no one to blame but myself.  At the same time I don't think I would have it any other way.   It is like driving in a car on an icy mountain road in the middle of a blizzard (yes, this Florida girl has done that... once). I would much rather be the one in the drivers seat because if I die, I am going to be the one to take me out.  I think I fear placing my life in someone else's hands.  This may go back to why I fear loss.  If I have put stake in someone to the point that losing them would cause me great pain, then I have given them a part of myself, a part of  my life.  I fear that in losing them I not only lose the relationship but I lose a part of me, as if somehow piece by piece I will be left with nothing but the shell of the person I once was. I ultimately know this is untrue.  I know that I can be myself on the other side of loss, that I can overcome fear; but in moments I am utterly terrified of these things, of myself and of my inability to control them.