Saturday, September 7, 2013

You Make Me Who I Am

Jenni's first prompt for Blogtember was Describe where or what you come from. The people, the places, and/or the factors that make up who you are.

And for me, it just so happened that, I already had something in the works. One of those posts I had started and never finished. I figured today was the best moment try to give it a shot... The people in my life have shaped and molded me, this most recent time in my life is shaping me even more. I come from a family that loves and loves hard. But I also come from a family that is its own concoction of dysfunction. Which all families seem to be in some way or another. This is all a part of mine. 




I am and I am not...
I am the sister of an addict, but I am not.
I am not the sister of an addict because there is no addiction in heaven.
I will always be the sister of an addict because that is what I was taught to be.
I am the sister of a boy; a boy whose struggle was often greater than his resolve.
I am the sister of a boy; a boy whose light shone so brightly that his story will continue on.
I am the sister of a man; a man who learned what it meant to work for something he was proud of.
I am the sister of a man; a man who gave the best he could in order to love his little girl.
I am the sister of a girl; a girl who was not born into but brought into our family, yet loved the same.
I am the sister of a girl; a girl who should not have had to go through the life she has led.
I am the sister of a girl; a girl who too quickly had to learn what it meant to be a woman.
I am the sister of a woman; a woman who stands strong and holds her world in her heart.
I am the sister of a woman; a woman who is working hard to be everything her daughter needs.
I am the sister of a boy; a boy who struggled to find his own way and his own place to shine in the wake of his older brothers choices. 
I am the sister of a man; a man who found that place and who is standing stronger than I had ever imagined humanly possible. 
I am the sister of a man; a man who is working hard to step up to the plate and who has forged ahead despite life's struggles. 
I am the sister of a girl; the sister of a girl who knows all too well what loss looks like. 
I am the sister of a woman; the sister of a woman who stands strong and carries on for herself and for those she loves.
I am the daughter; the daughter of parents who had to lose a child before any parent ever should. 
I am the daughter; the daughter of two people who are working on themselves just as their children are and that is a beautiful thing.  
I am the sister to brothers who have gone to war; one who chose to serve our country and one who fought a war within himself long before any of us ever knew. 
I am me. I am a people pleaser, some days it can be my greatest attribute and some days it is my Achilles heel. 
I am me. I am a product of the life I have led, of the people I have loved, of the people I have lost and of the future I am working hard to keep on track. 
I am a wife; a wife who is trying to be the person she needs for the man who has never once faltered, to the man who has put his own wishes aside to stand by her. And I will be better.
I am a friend; a friend to some of the best people any lifetime could ever ask for. A friend to people who have shown up, help me up, and kept me going. 
Everywhere I have been, everyone I have met, every factor of every part of my past has brought me to this place and helped shape who I am and it is those factors that will lead me on from here, one day at a time. 

Everything above is part of me. There may be parts that are harder for me to look at but they all make me who I am. I am learning to accept that. I am learning to accept that the dark parts just make the brighter parts shine that much more. Yet, it is all just a part, because to sum up everything that us brought us to where we are would take us until the end of our days. 
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And on that note, I am going to end with this prompt, just because my brain feels like ending things a little more sunshiney. If you could take three months off from your current life and do anything in the world, what would you do? 
This one was pretty easy too, because just the other day I sent Babe a text that said... "Let's just be like Minnie and Mickey, move into Disney and forget the outside world." Typically he would respond with some, "you are crazy" type thing and I would be left to roll my eyes. But this time he responded with "I wish." So, I decided that was making progress and maybe I could make it happen someday. Anyways... I would totally do that. I would move into Disney for a month. Right into the castle. Live there and frolic in all of the "forget the world" Disney glory. Then, I would rent an RV and road trip the USA for the next two.  I know it isn't some big, grand, fantastical sounding plan. But it's mine and it's simple and right now simple is right where I would like to be.  


4 comments:

  1. That was a powerful post. Really enjoyed reading it. :-)

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  2. I am a friend of a girl. A girl who stole my heart when I first met her.
    I am a friend of a woman. A beautiful woman inside and out. A woman who makes me cry with joy/sadness when I read what she writes. A woman who un-apologetically bears her soul.

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    Replies
    1. Mrs. Kathy! Thank you for this, this means so much. You had me in tears. I love you and hope to see you soon! Would love to join you out there at the winery sometime. Those pictures always look so great! I miss you.

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